[Robyn] When everything is {scattered}

[Hunter]

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[atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/fapmbo.jpg] Waking up, Clegane saw that she was already gone. It wasn’t the first morning where her scent was the only thing that proved that she’d slept here tonight. He let out a heavy sigh. For the last six months he’d tried to tell himself that everything was alright, that it only was a question about time before their relationship would work out again. Be like it’d been before the loss of their son. But nothing had become better, perhaps it was just getting worse. Natiri had left the pack not long after the accident, and no goodbye’s had taken place. She’d left her family without a word and just a week ago he’d found her with her new “friend”; Denim, one of Florence’s sons. How he hated himself for not having killed the lion on the spot. He hadn’t told Nemesis about the encounter because what should he say? They hadn’t even spoken out about the accident which he felt guilty for not having avoided. Maybe it was time to face their problems instead of pretending they weren’t there. Maybe that was what they needed for things to change. Talking about feelings had never been his strongest side. Neither Nemesis’. But they weren’t seeing each other much lately – Nemesis worked a lot, and he suspected her for taking the patrols which were placed on the hours he was free so that they practically never could have time for each other. Sometimes, just like today, she came to their room when he’d already fallen asleep and then she was gone again before he even woke up. She avoided him, and he had to admit that he wasn’t much better himself. He’d wandered about a lot the last few weeks, always out of the pack’s territory when he’d time to spare. He should’ve been waiting for her instead. It was time to talk, time to sort things out. They'd waited for too long and how they avoided each other just proved it. But the thought of seeing her also made him uneasy. They’d fought a lot, snapping at each other with both words and teeth and it wasn’t a secret to the rest of the pack that their relationship was a mess. If it all came down on Nemesis and himself so hard, how did it even affect their kids? Natiri had left, but he knew it wasn’t just about her brother’s accident. She wasn’t a soldier – she’d other believes than the pack. In the beginning Clegane had accepted her choice to live as a loner, but the thought about her living with a lion made him sick. He should have done something. But perhaps it was time to sort things out at home before he focused on his lone daughter’s choices. He rose up and trotted out of their room in the Asylum. He quickly grabbed a bit of food in the food storage before he went outside. Nemesis was most likely on patrol, trying to think about other things. And no matter how little he liked this, he had to find her. Even if it meant they would end up in another fight. Even if it did turn out badly, he would at least have tried. He knew he couldn’t blame her for being mad at him. After all it had been him, him, who was supposed to look after their puppies that day. He didn’t know what was going on inside her head, would she ever be able to forgive him? Snow covered the ground outside and small snowflakes fell from the early morning sky as Clegane trotted toward the border which lay past the cemetery. He hoped he would find her here somewhere, preferably alone. He didn’t know what he should do when he found her, especially not if she was patrolling with someone else. "I will never be as I was before, I'll always need someone. Can you tell me that you'll always be there for me, Hound? That you'll always stay with me?"

[/i] Memories of the past started to ache in his chest as he came closer. About two years ago, when they’d fled from the Iris Pride, he’d promised Nemesis that he would do his best to be there for her. At that time, they’d focused on the mental and physical problems she might get from the great wound in her side. Now he had to show her that he also would be there for her in times of sorrow. Or what else she felt. But to move on, Clegane knew she needed to forgive him first. That would be the hardest part. Because he didn’t even know if he would do it himself if he was in his mate’s situation. In his mind’s eye, he once again remembered how Nemesis’ icy blue eyes had locked with his on that day so long ago. How she’d hoped for him to be there for her, always, but how she at the same time had doubted that he would. ” I think not...”[/i] The words echoed in his head as he reached the border. He started to scan the area, hoping he would find his beloved mate, and felt how a shudder crawled up on him as he couldn’t see any signs of her immediately. Please don’t make it too late for me, he thought, feeling like everything would crumble before his eyes if he didn’t try to do anything soon.

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[ROBYNASAURUS]

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[atrb=background,http://i53.tinypic.com/29fwaj6.jpg] An exasperated sigh left her muzzle. The breath turned to ice as it hit the cold, crisp winter air. She wasn't sure exactly how long she had been out here. It had been dark when she left their room, as it always was these days. The sun risen, though not by much, a few hours past dawn, if she had to guess. Enough for a flurry of snow which was still falling gently. The delicate flakes had settled as she lay, covering the husky in a blanket of snowy camouflage. The early morning patrol had presented nothing out of the ordinary, it was near enough dead outside, though her own efforts in her duties were lackluster at best. Even the small brown bunny that hopped idly, unaware, by her hidden form failed to stir the husky and she watched breakfast walk on by. Of course there was food in the asylum for breakfast, but staying would only mean having to deal with her mate. Their relationship, if they could even call it that anymore, was in a dire state. They had became like ships passing in the night, only laying briefly in each others company to sleep. The few chances they had to talk were fraught with tension, bitter words and aggressive snaps. The easiest option was to avoid it altogether. It was the cowards way out, she told herself over and over. Only prolonging the inevitable, she took extra patrols, working long into the night or early in the morning to stay away, though now the long hours were becoming a struggle. It was a struggle to patrol, it was a struggle to avoid her partner, it was a struggle to raise her children - a feat at which she was failing miserably. Nemesis had struggled through the birth of their children, it was no real secret. Coming back from injury into pregnancy had been dangerous, and it was a miracle that any of them had survived the ordeal but they had been blessed with a beautiful family. 5 gorgeous pups. 4 gorgeous pups. It had been almost six months since the accident. That's what it was. An accident. She tried to come to grip with the fact, that it was an accident but she blamed Clegane. Blamed him for the loss of her son. A wave of nausea overcame her, as it always did with the memories. He was a beautiful puppy, like his mother in every way. She named him after her brother. She told him stories about his uncle, and promised him that she'd look after him - look after them all - that nothing would ever happen to them. There would be no monsters, no nightmares. They'd see nothing of what she saw when she was a child. But she let him down. She'd let them all down. Nemesis wasn't fit to be a mother. Ironhide had died and Natiri had fled and in the last six months she had barely been there to see anything of the other three. Nor was she fit to be a lover. It was unfair to blame him but she couldn't help it, knowing she was only driving him away further. The husky snorted a laugh into the snow, sending a cloud of flakes into the air; it was a wonder they had even got this far. Damaged goods, that's what she was, even from the start of their relationship. To need him in more ways than he would ever know, which she wasn't convinced he'd stay for. Bur he had tried. But was trying enough? How much longer could they 'try'? What was the point in trying anymore? Where had that ever gotten her? She tried to save her brother. Failed. She tried to have a relationship. Failed. She tried to raise a family. Failed. The sound of snow crunching brought her back from her thoughts. Nemesis sighed, the unmistakable build of the hound silhouetted against the white background of snow clouds. Blue eyes were all that gave her away, lying covered in the snow. "What do you want?" she snapped without conviction, her voice dispirited as she shook the snow from her back, climbing to her feet. One last try.

[Hunter]

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[atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/fapmbo.jpg] It looked like the earth itself came to life as Nemesis rose, shaking snow off her black and white coat. How long had she just laid there? Clegane knew that she already had to suffer from sleep deprivation because of all the hours she worked, and lying beneath a carpet of snow wouldn’t improve her health even though her coat was thick and protective against the cold. Perhaps he was just being too overprotective – after all Nemesis’ coat was by far thicker than his, so what did he even know about that? Besides, Nemesis probably wouldn’t like if he started to babble about what she should or shouldn’t do. At least he knew that much about her. And the slightly puzzled look upon his face wasn’t from the snapping tone of hers, but instead the fact that he hadn’t suspected her to lie half hidden by the snow. Actually, he’d half expected her defensive tone, maybe even started to grow used to it. Can’t possibly be a good sign, he thought. He liked her fighting spirit and sharp comments, but he knew that the coolness which had grown between them wasn’t a good thing. Now standing only a few meters from her, Clegane wasn’t sure he’d done the right thing. Perhaps it’d been wrong to confront her in the middle of her working hours, or maybe not. Was she even paying attention to what she was doing? Of course he couldn’t be sure, but lying under the snow like that definitely told him that she could do better - unless she on purpose was trying to take up camouflage which he highly doubted. Taking a deep breath, the big Beauceron tried to gather a different kind of courage than the one he needed when fighting the felines. ”I just thought that… we should talk,” he said with his rough voice, the words sounding odd in his mouth. Great, now he’d said it. So what now? How should a conversation like this even be started? He tried not to let his dark eyes drift too much around, too keep them at least somewhat steady on Nemesis. But even though he focused on his mate, the big dog had to realize that he couldn’t meet her gaze. At least not yet. ”I think it’s time for us to talk things through – you should know just as well as I that we can’t… that we shouldn’t, continue this way. We can’t avoid each other like this forever.” They’d puppies together and Clegane knew very well that some might say “if not for yourselves, then do it for the kids,” but for him this wasn’t just about letting their puppies have a good puphood. He was far too ego centered for that – he wanted Nemesis. Puppies or not, it would always be Nemesis and him. He didn’t like to admit it, but he missed the old Nemesis, and he hated to see how his mate was fading away. He hated feeling helpless, hated seeing how his actions slowly tore them apart. He wanted to change that. I hate seeing you like this, he thought, wishing the Siberian Husky could read his mind so he wouldn’t have to say those hard words. You’re much more worth than this.

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[ROBYNASAURUS]

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[atrb=background,http://i53.tinypic.com/29fwaj6.jpg] ”I just thought that… we should talk,” We need to talk! How cliche. Nemesis could barely contain her amusement at such a cheesy line, snorting out a laugh. "When did you grow a vagina? Get a pair of balls, Clegane", she snapped, unimpressed by the chick-flick moment. She watched him fidget, shifting on his paws, his eyes trying to focus everywhere and nowhere in particular. "Let me guess, now you're going to tell me 'it's not you, it's me" she asked, cocking her head to the side, rolling her eyes dramatically. "If you want to say something, say it, it's not like it's every stopped you before but stop pussy footing around!" the husky barked, moving forward, snapping her jaws at him. "We don't need to talk. There's nothing to talk about. Everything was fine, until you ruined it. You ruined everything and now you want to talk?". Her resignation turned to frustration. How dare he want to talk? Everything was going fine. Everything had finally turned itself around. They were alive, they had a family and everything was peachy, in a bleak war torn world, but that's beside the point. They were managing to live a happy life. Nearly even a normal life. And in the blink of an eye, everything was turned upside down. "There's nothing you or I can do. I don't know how to fix this". Frustration turned visibly to anger, her entire body shaking as the emotion took over. "I asked you to be there for me. Was that so hard? I wanted you to be there for me and what? I almost died for you, and you killed my son!"

[Hunter]

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[atrb=background,http://i47.tinypic.com/1zd6wr9.jpg] "Speech." Nemesis’ snort shot him and he felt his blood burning. She just knew how to trigger him like a gun, didn’t she? Had she been anyone else, the Hound would immediately have flown at her, making her swallow her words right back up. He huffed angrily at her comment but didn’t speak up, at least not yet. After all it seemed like the girl was speaking herself warm. The big dog could see the growing irritation in his mate and shortly wondered how far this chatter would go. How much he could take even from her, one so close to him. It was then she came at him, snapping after his jaw. He growled brusquely at her, but a smile ghosted his lips. ”Seems like you’re not as far off as I thought,” he muttered darkly but he wasn’t sure she heard him. If she did, it didn’t matter, because she kept talking. Accusing him. He neither had a solution as to what they could do to “fix this” as Nemesis said. If he knew, they would be over this long ago. And as she’d said, there was nothing they could do about their lost son – no matter how much any of them wished to redo the past, they couldn’t. Done was done. Ironhide was dead, and that was how it was. In Clegane’s eyes, it was a huge mistake of them to keep lingering in the past, thinking about things they now couldn’t do anything about. As Nemesis’ frustration exploded into anger, the big dog’s hackles rose but he didn’t flinch back an inch. ”It was an accident!” he shouted. “When do you get it? Accusing me for the accident won’t get Ironhide back from the dead!” He snorted brusquely and tried to calm himself, but his deep voice was still harsh when he continued. ”None of us needs a pussy for a mate. But I’m still here for you – whether you like it or not.” He looked at her shaking frame and realized how tense he felt. Right now he could only come up with two things in his mind which would change that. But since probably would refuse to have him on top of her at the moment, there was only one thing else he could think of. ”We’re Soldiers. We should act that way,” he started, slightly narrowing his eyes. ”If you can’t forgive me on the spot, then fight me. Give it all you’ve got! Get your anger out on me, and let’s be done with it; see if it helps!” His voice had risen as he’d spoken and his deep voice almost ended in a roar as he prepared himself for Nemesis flying at him. He didn’t know if an open fight like this would change anything, but it was worth the try. After all, they hadn’t done it yet – they’d only been snapping and biting a bit of each other, but nothing like this if Nemesis actually chose to attack him. So much for love.