life?

[fate]

[ATTENTION: THIS IS A MOOD DOWNER. DONT EVEN BOTHER READING IT.. it might ruin your happy mood.]
^^ this is my warning, i know you might be thinking: why would she write about a mood downer and not want us to read it?. You can read it i dont mind but thats just a warning. I just needed to tell someone and i have no one at the moment. no one that can listen.

[spelling and grammar is not the best]

Life is just so hard right now, although its never been perfect ive gotten by ok but almost every other day i have to face the fact that im in a place where i know no one. Im a very shy person when im not on here and lets just say that thats not the way to meet people:being shy. I cant help it. So basically here's my story.
(p.s. im sorry im spilling my guts but i have no one to turn to... )

I used to live in AL and about three months after i went to school my parents tell me im moving... of course every one freaks and cries telling me they love me but when my parents work something out they say i can stay til the end of the year. For anyone thats moved before you might know how it feels to leave your friends. So almost six months before i graduate middle school my mom and sibings move down to my new place in GA. So... i start staying for daycare, never knew who was gonna pick me up, and whats worse is that my own parents couldnt come to my graduation. My dad had a very good excuse but my mom just said she was too busy and that it cost too much to drive from GA to AL.

A few of my friends said they felt like they would cry for me but i tried to stay strong and not care.. now i care i guess. BTW when you tell people your moving they stop talking to you as often. Everyone except my friends at school stopped talking to me. I dont kno if you know what it feels like to chck your email or fb and see all the fun your old friends are having while you sit at home all summer bored out of your min, but it hurts... or it hurts me. I may sound .. i dont know... but i just couldnt handle things anymore.


Now my mom is getting me ready to start homeschooling and im just not happy. I know shes trying but i just dont like GA and i was born here... I dont know what it is but whenever i lay in bed at night i start crying. Its not just moving but my parents fight everyday, my older brother yells at me all the time and he doesnt live here anymore, my parents always ignore me and focus on the younger kids. I just dont know what to do... today got worse. My mom draggged me around everywhere to meet people in my class and i didnt want to go but i went. We also went to the park and its 100 degrees outside, then my mom has my older brother pick me and my sister up and he yells at me because he was making no sense.... He calls me dumb and it takes all my will power not to say anything to drasitic (he is um... sensitive??) .

So then i get home and cool off, change into comfy clothes and then my dad calls me. He hands me a stack of papers and once i readem im so excited... HORSE BACK RIDING.... i love horses. Well... i thought maybe things were getting better for the day but when i have to go to an extra debate class and my little brothers going, AND i have five minutes or less to get ready i break down. So it ends up that while im getting ready at extreme speed my dad yells at me saying im not doing anything, no horse back riding, no pool, no nothing for the rest of the year and my mom takes my brother to an event she said was just me and her. She leaves me so when i call her she hangs up on me.

GOSH. I am so sorry i just spilled paragraphs of my life onto this amazing rpg... i really didnt mean to get anyone down i just ... i just have no one to talk too. *wipes tears away* imma put a warning at the top of this page that says mood downer. im so sorry, i do think that writing this out helped

[♥Picasso]

I can't say I know what you're going through, 'cause I've never moved house in my life, but I do know some things that you've mentioned. The fact, that you're shy is just... ugh, I know how you feel. I've diagnosed myself with Social Anxiety Disorder - shyness to the extreme. I can barely meet new people, speak in front of people, speak over the phone, or even ring someone. So, friends are pretty hard to communicate with.

Literally all summer I've been looking over facebook, staring at photos of my friends that are out at parties and having fun. The worst thing is that they've stopped even inviting me because they know I'll probably just turn it down. It's not the same as your situation, but it's still pretty crap.

It must be so hard to not know anyone and just feel so lonely. God, I feel lonely a lot as well. -hugs- If you ever think that you just can't make friends because you're too shy (check out social anxiety disorder btw) then try and talk to your mum/dad. There's therapy that can boost confidence and stuff. I know it's extreme, but I'm hoping that if I take the therapy like that, I'll be much more confident.

As for your family. Well, I can safely say that I'm the bottom of the list with my parents. My brother has bipolar so most of their attention is on him, and my sister has a baby, so a lot of their attention is on her. While out to dinner with them all, they all talk about mortgage, rent, bills, cars, etc. I'm too young for all that crap so I just have to sit silently and eat. Lmao xD

But hey, I'm sure everything will work out fine. Remember, you only live once. You only have one childhood. In ten years you'll look back and regret so many things. I know I will <333

[fate]

Thanks Picasso, and your right it does feel pretty crappy to to watch all your friends have fun while your on the sidelines. It just is a total downer for life....sorta but i know i need to try and stay strong. Not let life push me around.

As for the therapy, I seriously would like a therapist. They'd listen to me more then my mom and dad do but i just havent had the exact courage to tell my parents i want a therapist. I was once worried about my friends opinions if they ever found out but then i met one of my best friends and shes been through so much more then i have. She once had therapy and im pretty sure that if i ever went she'd support me 100% and thats always a great thing to have. Even when your six hours or so away from the person .

I dont know if im at the bottom of my parents list but I just cant talk to them. They make it hard, i have to worry about them fighting, my older brother who causes the fights, and so much more. I love my parents and i know ill regret saying all the things ive ever said to them that were mean, if i dont regret them now. Although its just hard, but i know i need to keep fighting.

and your right i do only live once, its just those days where you feel like the day wont end because of the misery. I just need to remember that everyday ends... so maybe tomorrow will be better.thanks <3333

[Zen]

I'm so glad there are people on here to talk about Social Anxiety Disorder. I've checked a few websites on the symptoms and I'm almost positive I have it. It's a terrible feeling to know you're so limited to what you can do around people.

Picasso, I totally get what you mean about not being able to call people on the phone. There have been times where I would pick it up and just stare at the numbers, trying to work up the courage to ring up one of my friends. I've spent most of the summer alone in my house because I'm too afraid to take the initiative and ask someone to hang out.

Anyway, it probably doesn't seem like it now Fate, but I'm sure things will get better with time. Talking to someone will help you get through this rough time, like Pic said. Asking your parents for a counselor might just be the thing to make them realize something's wrong. At any rate, I hope everything looks up for you <3

[fate]

thanks zen.