It's not like it used to be [Zen]

[Hunter]

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[atrb=background,http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5227/5583692288_159ae396a5_z.jpg] Kira walks. "Kira talks."

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Kira’s feelings were mixed. Her mother’s death had been announced yesterday so Panja was the leader now, meaning that Kira was left unbounded. She’d mourned the death of her mother in her own, insensitive way, but today she was “on the run”. Of course she’d loved her mother even though the relationship between her and her mother had been close to nonexistent, but she’d always respected Florence and would never had done anything which would have unpleased her ill tempered mother. But with her gone, Kira had only few whom she feared to enrage. Panja was one of them, but he was old and far from as intimidating as her mother was… had been. The white lion had been strong, but Kira had noticed his features on the day Florence’s death had been announced and had this morning also enquired about his whereabouts since the meeting yesterday and, coming to a conclusion of the mighty lion’s state… he was weakening.

Panja hadn’t been well since he and her mother had left for the Tempest pack to get their cubs back, and Kira was sure that this was a chance to win the old lion over to her side, meaning that Kira hadn’t had much time in her own paws to mourn her mother. There was only one conclusion to this murder; she’d now gotten a dire reason to hate the canines, and she was furious. She’d rarely cried when she’d been a cub, and being a two year old lioness by now, Kira never showed that kind of emotion. You could say that Florence hadn’t really approved that kind of behaviour…

Walking through the corridors of the Slaughterhouse, Kira walked with long, sure strides, her head low and sending death glares to anyone who was standing in her way in the small corridor. Since the hospital and been bombed to pieces, the Slaughterhouse had for a while become the residence for both the scum and the higher ranked felines of the Pride until something more suitable for the leader was found. The quarters of Panja were in another building than where the scum were located so the screams of them wouldn’t interrupt a civilized conversation.

”I’m afraid Panja won’t be seeing anyone by now.” Thinking about interruption, a guard standing in front of Panja’s door now denied her access. Looking over the male leopard, Kira frowned slightly. ”Are you forgetting who I am, guard? Isn’t a student allowed to speak to her teacher in times like these?” she asked, her voice reasonable, almost kind, but she felt her patience dropping low with racing speed. The leopard, who was about to speak up instead of going out of her way, was then forced into the wall with a thud. Claws out, her paws rested on his shoulders as she was standing almost upright on her hind legs, forcing the male leopard’s body against the wall. Her pretty brown eyes were now burning and narrowed into slits, making them no prettier than a massacre taking place… unless the victims of the slaughter were canines of course. ”You’ll let me in right now, or I’ll claw your eyes out first,” she said with a rumbling snarl which barely audible for anyone else but the leopard to hear. The leopard nodded quickly and Kira let go of him and came down on her four which resulted in the leopard falling down with another thud. But Kira didn’t mind him, she was already on her way inside the room where Panja was. ”Panja…” she purred gently, almost hesitant. ”Are you well?” She knew it was a stupid question, but it showed all the same that she cared for him.

Or pretended to.

((OOC: Okay, didn’t thought I would get anything up these days, but I was angry, and Kira is a bitch, so it went easily hand by hand xD))

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[Zen]

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[atrb=background,http://i1198.photobucket.com/albums/aa446/jadedog08/PanjaTableBg-1.png] Panja felt dead inside. He had hardly budged from his spot since taking up residence in one of the slaughterhouse’s meatlockers, and had so far refused everyone’s attempts to comfort or help him. The rest of the pride decided since then that it would be best to leave him alone to grieve, and that is what he had been doing for most of the day. The slaughterhouse, as great as it was for containing and torturing canine criminals, felt nothing like a home the way the old hospital had. There were beds in the hospital to lay on, thick blankets to crawl under, and the rooms were relatively warm most of the time. Here everything was cold and stained with blood. There was nothing to sleep on but concrete flooring. Panja’s tired eyes drifted to the rows of sharp meat hooks dangling from the ceiling before closing in exhaustion. A pair of voices from just outside the room suddenly jolted him awake. He lifted his chin and turned his head to face the closed door that blocked him from the rest of the world. The guard he had assigned to watch over the doorway seemed to be arguing with a familiar female voice, one he immediately recognized as belonging to the lioness Kira. Panja heaved himself into a sitting position and barely had time to react before he heard her tell the guard off and she pushed her way through the heavy door. For a second or two he simply stared at her blankly. It had been so long since he had a proper, normal conversation with his former student. Sometimes he would see her strolling around the alleys, or hauling in fresh kill to the hospital before it had been demolished several weeks ago. But they had just been passing glances, and until now he hadn’t really noticed how much she had grown up. She wasn’t the same little cub that had followed him around incessantly, asking him childish questions about the pride, canines, and whatever else she could think up. She was an adult lioness now, strong and beautiful like her mother. The image of Florence that came to his mind made him turn away from Kira. He honestly wished then that she didn’t look so much like his deceased mate. But it hurt him just as much to ignore her, since she was one of his most trusted comrades and the closest thing he had to a best friend. He also knew in some ways she still saw him as her mentor, and he wanted to be there to help her through this. It was true that she and Florence had certainly never had much in the way of a real mother-daughter relationship; in fact, he hadn’t been sure if Florence even remembered that her first litter still existed. Despite that, Panja knew that Kira was protective of and loyal to her mother, so of course Florence’s death must be affecting her. “No,” was his quiet reply to her question, blunt yet honest. What else was there to say? He forced himself to look at Kira again. He didn’t want to linger on his own misery anymore or pour out all of his depressing feelings to her. It was time he started to focus on someone else’s emotions besides his own. “But what about you? How are you faring, Kira? If you need anything, anything at all, you know I’m here for you.” He tilted his head gently to the side, the sadness and compassion for her shining in his eyes.

[Hunter]

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[atrb=background,http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5227/5583692288_159ae396a5_z.jpg] Kira walks. "Kira talks."

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In the beginning, it looked like it was a pain to Panja to even look at her. Maybe because she looked like Florence, but she wasn’t sure. Maybe he just wanted to be alone. If he wanted her to dismiss, she wouldn’t obey him – at least not immediately since she didn’t want this encounter to be a complete failure – but even if the white lion wished her to leave, the words never reached his lips. Panja didn’t order her to leave him alone, and Kira was somehow surprised by that. Last time they’d seen each other they’d been torturing a thief, but that was so long ago that Kira wasn’t sure how much Panja made of their old student-teacher relationship.

The reply to her question was short. A single “no” was all he said to start with, and Kira now noticed how tired the old lion looked. He wasn’t much of a threat as he sat there and the young lioness was happy that Brooke wasn’t here. It wouldn’t be good for the bitch’s confidence to see the leader of the Iris Pride in this state. Which reminded her… the Pride was a mess right now. If the Tempest Pack chose to attack the Iris felines, they probably wouldn’t be much of an opponent. Shifts in leadership could easily make a pack or pride vulnerable, so Panja should soon get a grip of his feelings or choose someone to help him with his new job as a leader.

But then he looked at her again and started to speak. Maybe there was more to this old fool than she thought after all. Maybe he was stronger than he looked like. If it was the thought of a lion who was stronger than expected in his time of mourning or the fact that he was looking at her with passionate eyes, she wasn’t sure. But either way, or if it was a mix of both, it was now her who had to look the away. She looked down at her paws which was darker than the tawny colour she’d had when she’d been a cub. Her whole body had gotten a darker glow to it now when she was adult but why she thought about it she wasn’t sure. Maybe talking to Panja somehow made her unsure… What if he could look through her façade? For a second, Kira felt like a cub again.

But only for a second.

She didn’t know if she’d shown something fragile of herself as she’d been standing there, lost in thoughts for a second, but she knew she’d gained control of herself by now. ”I’m not in need of anything, Panja” she said as she looked at him again. This time it was easier to look at him – like the fact that she now knew the look of his eyes made everything easier. As if she’d been surprised before but now couldn’t get pushed out of balance. ”I just needed to see how my teacher was doing. I know it is a hard time for both of us, so I thought…” she trailed off shortly as if hesitating and continued in a lower voice. ”I thought it would be easier for both of us if we knew we had each other.” She went further into the room and sat down. ”We haven’t talked together properly after I became mad at you, Panja. I should have said sorry sooner, and I fear it might be too late now… But I’m sorry for the things I said. And I’m sorry if I made you angry and disappointed of me.” Her voice was soft as she spoke and she paused from time to time as if she had to gain courage to say the apology which should make up for her inappropriate behaviour a long time ago.

Just as someone would do when apologizing for something stupid she’d done.

((OOC: I don't know what kind of music you listen to, but this one somehow fits Panja and Kira pretty well, except for the fact they aren't lovers. It's called What have you done and is by a band called Within Temptaion - Hunter throws a link here))

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[Zen]

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[atrb=background,http://i1198.photobucket.com/albums/aa446/jadedog08/PanjaTableBg-1.png] A small feeling of comfort warmed its way into Panja’s heart. Kira’s suggestion that they support one another almost made him crack a smile. “Of course,” he replied, as if the answer were obvious. “As I said, I’ll be here if ever you should need me. It’s nice to know that you’ll do the same for me as well.” He kept his eyes on her as she moved out of the doorway and closer into his presence. “It’s going to be hard,” he added, slowly, “for me to lead an entire pride on my own. I could really use your help.” Remembering back to how, when they had argued in the alleys, he had told her she was useless to Florence, he felt a pang of guilt rise up in his chest. Kira wasn’t useless, not to Panja anyway; she was a loyal, strong and intelligent warrior. It had been wrong of him to say that, and it was no wonder she had stayed mad at him for so long afterward. Everyone needed to feel useful and loved. As if she had been reading his thoughts, the lioness began to speak of that very same day. Suddenly, in spite of their size and strength difference, Panja felt almost vulnerable while sitting in front of her. Had she seen the guilt in his eyes, or was it just a coincidence that they happened to be thinking about the same thing? Now he was suddenly aware that he had no idea what her real motivations might be for visiting him here. He was so weak and tired right now that he would barely be able to fight back if she decided to get revenge for everything they had argued over. No, she’s a friend, he quickly reminded himself. I can trust her. He tried to let the feelings go, but it still unnerved him. The apology that followed took him by complete surprise, making him forget all of his previous worries. “Kira…” was all he could manage to say for awhile. Her name rolled off his tongue in a near whisper. She sounded so sincere; he had never expected such a confession from her. Perhaps like Florence she also had an emotional side that only revealed itself at certain moments. “I am sorry too,” Panja finally admitted, leaning in to bump his forehead gently against hers. It was only a brief touch, but it was comforting to him. “We both said things we shouldn’t have. Let’s leave it in the past, where it belongs.” He pulled away and retreated somewhat back into his grief and depression. His gaze wandered to the wall on his left, his eyes taking in the dried splatters of black blood that stained the concrete. This was once a place of death and misery for livestock, and it seemed so fitting that he would choose it as his new den. His mind churned with thoughts and doubts. “Kira, can I ask you something? As a friend?” Panja glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “Answer me honestly. Do you…do you think I’m fit to be leader? Should I hand the title to someone more worthy?” ____ OOC: bleh, I feel like this post turned out kind of crappy :/ But omg yes, Within Temptation is awesomeee. I love a lot of their stuff. Perfect theme for Panja and Kira’s wonderfully messed up relationship <3

[Hunter]

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[atrb=background,http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5227/5583692288_159ae396a5_z.jpg] Kira walks. "Kira talks."

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When her name slipped from Panja’s mouth in no more than a whisper, Kira was sure she had the big lion where she wanted him. But she was nonetheless unprepared for the brief touch as his forehead met hers. The touch was brief, but there was still something strong about it, and it was only strengthened by the words he said afterwards. Maybe she wasn’t completely in control of herself anyway. Everything was different when it came to Panja – in front of others, she would only show the emotions she waned, and nothing else than the emotions she wanted to be seen would be expressed on her features. But Panja was different.

No, you little fool. Panja is no different than the others. Pull yourself together or you will blow up the entire act, she thought angrily to herself. She nodded slowly while looking down at her own paws – as if she agreed with Panja and herself at the same time. How confusing. So it was a great relief to her when Panja pulled away. These few seconds had been like sitting in a rollercoaster where everything went up and down – everything seemed to shift between getting harder and easier for her, and it could really draw on your energy. It was by then Kira realized that her heart had been pounding fiercely in her chest when Panja had touched her and it only pounded slightly slower when he pulled away – but it was enough. In a sarcastic thought she told herself she’d been lucky that Panja hadn’t heard her heart beating so fast.

Snapping back to reality, she pricked up her ears as Panja spoke about his right to be the leader of the Iris Pride. Why was he asking her about that? He’s opening up to you, little one, she thought with a mental smirk and looked upon the blood on the walls before looking on the white lion. ”Don’t question yourself like that, Panja,” she said a little harshly with a frown. ”If anyone but you took the place as the leader, the Tempest Pack would think us weak.” She paused and continued in a softer tone after having thought for a moment. ”You’re fit to the job, I know that better than anyone – you have been my teacher and you have taught me many things. I don’t think any other cat in the whole Pride could do the tasks of a leader better than you. To be honest; you are kinder than my mother, so the Pride will love you more since they don’t have to fear for their heads. But become too soft, and they will turn on you to gain power. You need someone to help you if you don’t think you are capable of leading the whole Pride on your own now when my mother is dead.” She was sitting straighter than before and she began feeling more comfortable. That was good. The calmer she could be around Panja, the better.


((Muhaha! Kira is back!.... after a month of no activity))

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[Zen]

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[atrb=background,http://i1198.photobucket.com/albums/aa446/jadedog08/PanjaTableBg-1.png] The sudden fierceness in her voice startled him, but Panja kept silent and listened. In a way, it was also inspiring: what he really needed was someone to push him back on his feet, not someone to coax him up gently. Florence had been this way to him when he had fallen into depression after their cubs had been stolen, and her harshness was what had finally goaded him into action. Kira’s words had the same kind of effect on him. She was right; this was not the time to be questioning himself, because if he didn't truly believe he was fit to be the new leader, should he really expect the pride to? Then her voice grew soft and gentle, a move that was far more surprising to him. Kira was not the type who went about showering others with praise - in fact, this was really the first time he had ever heard her talk so sweetly to anyone. Panja shifted on his paws, humbled by her kind words. For so long he had walked around feeling empty, cold and hollow, but her compliments brought a rush of warmth into his body that was part embarrassment and part pleasure. In that quickest of moments he felt almost alive again. “Thank you, Kira. That…means a lot to me. I’m not sure other cats in the pride will agree – they may think me too old or weak to lead them properly – but you're right, I have to believe in myself. And as long as most of Iris remains loyal to me, I have hope.” The suggestion that he seek out someone to assist him in his leadership got him thinking. “Yes, that is a wise idea,” he said, nodding once, never taking his gaze away from her. Instead he focused more clearly on her face, taking in all the small little details of her features; the delicate curves around her muzzle, the harsher lines near her eyes that she must have gotten from Streiter. She was similar to her mother in so many ways, and yet there was still something different, both in appearance and personality, that separated the two lionesses. He couldn’t pinpoint just what it was, though. “Of course, that person could only be you,” he added after a moment, looking back into her eyes. His brows rose slightly in question, silently asking her if she liked the idea of this proposal. She could be his second-in-command, his right arm, the one he would look to for advice and support in matters concerning the pride. Kira was young, and maybe he should have considered choosing someone older and more experienced to help him, but at the moment he couldn’t think of anyone better than her. He didn’t want anyone else.

[Hunter]

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[atrb=background,http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5227/5583692288_159ae396a5_z.jpg] Kira walks. "Kira talks."

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She nodded at his words though she wasn’t sure she liked all of what he said. Who would have thought that something I said would mean a lot to him? She asked herself. She didn’t like the thought, but it was still a triumph. It only meant that she was getting closer to him. But why would she be close to him at all? What good would she get out of it anyway? She wasn’t in search of a powerful position, so why was she here, trying to repair a long broken relationship to her teacher? Ever since she’d known that Panja was the father of Florence’s new litter, she’d been sick just by the thought of him and always mentioned him as an old fool… only in her thoughts of course. It was then she remembered. Even though she was strong already, Kira still needed his advise from time to time. Panja was old, but he had much experience which Kira would love to use against the canines. Especially those of the Tempest Pack. Her thoughts drifted to Brooke. She’d been lucky that she hadn’t been injured that day in the Straight Bit where she’d thought she could take down Brooke by herself. Everyone else in the big battle had been too busy to help her, and even though Brooke couldn’t take down a lioness by herself, Kira still knew by now that it’d been stupid of her to face Brooke like that.

She needed Panja if her death shouldn’t be caused by over confidence… or if it shouldn’t happen in too early an age for that sake. It wasn’t before that incident that she’d been more careful – how easy wouldn’t it have been for Brooke to lure her in an ambush? No, she wouldn’t be so reckless again.

As Panja then revealed his thoughts, Kira shook her head and voiced what she’d thought to herself just moments ago. ”No Panja, I have no desire for that kind of power. I will gladly take down any canine possible, but I have no wish of leading the Pride.” She looked around in the room while thinking, who would be good to promote as next in command? Who could help Panja with keeping the pride intact if he should fail? Surely none of the heirs could take the position of duke or duchess – they were far too young. It wasn’t that Kira wanted to help Panja personally, but as one of the members of the Iris Pride, she was of course determined to do everything possible to keep it a threat to the Tempest Pack. ”You should promote one of your spies to duchess, she said after a moment. ”And yes, duchess – not duke, I’ve one in mind,” she said slyly. ”Maybe you’ve already seen her; a young female cheetah, not much more than half a year older than myself. She’s young but hardworking, I’m sure she’ll be able to help you well with getting an overview of the Pride, even in times like these. Her name is Sota, and I’m sure she’s loyal. You should pay her a visit one of the next days.” There were many good spies in the pride, even older ones than Sota. But ever since she’d seen the cheetah is was clear that the female had wanted to be more than just a common member of the pride, so it was the best choice Kira could come up with.

((OOC: Haha, I feel like such a jerk, adverstising for my own character ))

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[Zen]

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[atrb=background,http://i1198.photobucket.com/albums/aa446/jadedog08/PanjaTableBg-1.png] “I’m sorry to hear that,” Panja said with genuine disappointment. He had really been hoping she would say yes, but at the same time he respected her wishes and would not try and force her into something she didn’t want or wasn’t ready for. His ears pricked up when she continued on to mention a possible other candidate for the role he had just offered her. Sota… the name sounded dimly familiar to him. He thought he recalled once speaking to a cheetah with that name. “Yes, I may remember her,” he considered, looking up at the rusty metal ceiling and contemplating when it was he had actually spoken to the cheetah, and if she was indeed the person he was thinking of. There were so many names and faces within the Iris Pride that he could hardly be expected to remember all of them, even if he was leader. But if Kira, who was far from being the most easy-to-please lioness, was impressed enough with this Sota person that she would recommend her for Duchess, then the female spy had to be pretty capable and trustworthy. “Alright, perhaps sometime in the next few days I’ll seek her out and have a talk with her,” he answered with a slight twitch of his shoulders that could pass for a shrug. “I do need someone to take care of things while I’m…” He couldn’t finish the thought. What was going through his head was, I'll need someone to get out there and handle the rest of the pride for me while I’ve locked myself away in here. He felt worthless and pathetic for even conjuring up the thought in the first place, and he dropped his eyes in shame. Worst of all was the truth to the words that swam in his mind. He had absolutely no motivation to do anything related to the pride right now, no energy or drive to do much else besides sleep. In fact, he was aching for some sleep right about now. As much as he wanted to spend more time with his old student, his body was screaming at him for the rest he had been denying it for the past few days. “Well, Kira," he finally said, "thank you for coming to see me. It was nice talking with you like this again, and I really do hope we’ll continue to see more of each other now… I have to admit, I missed you while you were angry with me." He gave her a friendly, almost playful flick of his tail and the smile could be heard in his voice, even if it couldn’t be seen on his face. It was odd how only a few quick minutes of talking with her had lifted his spirits. She had a strange effect on him, the power to make him feel better even now, in the darkest of circumstances. He felt like he could trust her with almost anything. Though a part of his mind was telling him not to get close to anyone again, not after what happened to the last person he had trusted and cared this much for, another part couldn't deny the loneliness he felt without Kira by his side. "If you won’t be my Duchess, it’s good to know I at least still have you as a friend,” he added as a final thought. Yes, they were finally friends again. He didn't have to wonder anymore what she really thought of him. She cared for him just as much as he did her. Well...as far as he knew, anyway. ____ OOC: Alrighty Hunter, I'm going to add Miss Sota as Duchess :3 I just remembered how we talked about doing that awhile ago, so I'm sorry it took so long for me to actually change her rank for you <3