tread carefully [fate]

[♥Picasso]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/o5tb13.jpg] [scrolly:h(500),w(279),sy] "speech" The dank, dark caves in which Nutmeg sheltered stank of an old wolf litter who had since moved on. The tortoiseshell cat watched from the mouth of the cave as the rain poured. Her dull eyes bored into the distance as she pondered whether she should venture out and hunt for a meal. Her emaciated body was excruciatingly thin as she peered out at the fog and mist. Dawn had just broken, yet the sun was shrouded by thick clouds. It was still cold and her thin coat wasn't protecting her against the harsh, morning chill. Shivering, Nutmeg peered up at the falling raindrops. Would there be prey out in this rain? It would be no use venturing out of the cave to come home empty handed, yet soaking and cold. With this temperature, it would take her a couple of hours at least to get dry. Curling up to conserve warmth, Nutmeg kept her sunken eyes open at all times. She was tense; her fur prickled with anxiety and her eyes stung from lack of sleep. It had been three weeks since Nutmeg started to fend for herself again. Things had become complicated a year and a half ago. She had met a cat. A lovely cat, actually. He had been charming, all smiles and flirts, and Nutmeg had fallen. Hard. She had never felt love so gravitating before. She was instantly attached to this new feline within days of meeting him. His name had been Cerberus, and they had always laughed over the irony of his name. If Nutmeg had known then of the grief and hell that Cerberus was going to put her through, then she would never had stuck with him. She should have seen through his mask and escaped while she still could. But Nutmeg had been infatuated and so, so lonely, and she'd wanted all the company she could get. Cerberus loved her. He adored her. He brought her meals and curled up at night with her. He groomed her fur and told her he loved her. Nutmeg thought she had found the one. Cerberus started to change, however. He started to get more irritated and angry. He started snapping at every little fault Nutmeg did. One evening, when Nutmeg arrived back at their shelter on Straight Bit with no food for the night, Cerberus became so enraged that he lashed out at her, slicing through her cheek with his claw. Nutmeg was so in shock that she just curled up, weeping. She just couldn't understand what Cerberus wanted from her. He seemed forever angry at her, no matter how hard Nutmeg tried to please him. Once Cerberus calmed down, he had apologised profusely to Nutmeg and begged for her forgiveness. Nutmeg knew she shouldn't have forgiven him, but she still loved him. It was just one small mistake. It wouldn't happen again. And for a few weeks it didn't. Cerberus was like a changed cat. He was happier, more upbeat, more caring. But then his mood became foul again, and Nutmeg was soon cowering away from her lover, wondering where she had gone wrong. Months passed. Nutmeg flourished with new wounds daily. Cerberus had given up begging for forgiveness, and now hurt Nutmeg with pleasure whenever he pleased. Nutmeg couldn't escape her lover. She was still warped into thinking she loved him. She stayed with him because she thought she loved him. He had trapped her in this torment and she couldn't escape his feelings. Cerberus convinced her that it was all her fault, even though she had done nothing wrong. Now, Nutmeg realises bitterly, it had never been her fault. He had been mad. Insane. Nutmeg would fall asleep frightened of what Cerberus would do to her the next day. She longed to have her wonderful, caring lover back again. Where had that all gone? He must be in there somewhere. Yet Cerberus became angrier and angrier as the weeks went by. He mounted her without permission whenever he pleased, despite Nutmeg's anguished cries for him to stop. She hated the thought that he could impregnate her. She didn't want to birth kittens that would be the target of their father's rage. A year after the torment and the horror, Nutmeg woke one day to find Cerberus missing. Tracking his scent, she found his corpse, mauled by dogs. Nutmeg didn't feel sadness or grief as she stared down at his mangled body. Instead she felt a heavy weight lift from her shoulders. Freedom. She escaped to the countryside. Cerberus had starved her of food and she was weak from being kept inside so long. Nutmeg had nearly forgotten how to hunt and fend for herself as she took shelter in the caves. It took several attempts before she began catching mice and squirrels. She was still achingly thin and weak. She still slept for hours, trying to regain her strength. Nutmeg stood, shaking the horrid memories away. She couldn't bear to think of the nightmare in which her life had become. Instead, she decided to descend into the belly of the cave, where she could rest. As she turned the corner of the cave, Nutmeg was about to settle down when she heard something. Fur prickling, Nutmeg's heart pounded, and she twitched her ears. Baring her teeth and bristling her fur, she turning back towards the mouth of the cave, ready to fight anyone who entered. She wanted to be alone. Swallowing unsurely, Nutmeg squinted into the distance, trying to see who was there. [/scrolly]

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[fate]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=background,http://i53.tinypic.com/2na7j1w.jpg] [scrolly:h(350),w(265),sy] "Speech!" Due to the constant rain in Hexasol, a certain maine coon had found himself in the dark skeleton caves of the city. Grizzly been here quite a few times, as not many animals found the place desirable so it was often very secluded. The perfect place for a deaf cat to come when rain drowned Hexasol. The stench in most of the caves, was usually barbaric but he'd come to look past it. If one actually took the time to explore the full layout of the cave system, they'd actually find the place quite alluring. He had already toured it multiple times, learning only a portion of the tunnels, and was usually always intrigued by how complicated a simple cave could be. Entering through a back way, he crawled his way through a few small tunnels before he hit a medium sized break in the tunnel. Right before he stepped out, he smelled something. A rat. Food. He knew he wasn't the quietest of all animals, hell he was deaf, he didn't know how to be quiet; just all he knew was quiet. So he knew, that the rat must have either not acknowledged his presence or was trapped. Although the latter meant he had gone the wrong way, it also meant that dinner was served. Quickly, he emerged from the tunnel. Any squeaks let out from the rat, weren't heard by the large cat but the rat's stench was obvious and Grizzly soon saw the large rodent hiding. Seconds later, dinner was served for the maine coon. He wasn't exactly starved though, so he scooped it up in his mouth and carried it out of the enclosure. He realized that he'd gone too far in the tunnel, he needed to go back and reach the first break, not the second. When he had back tracked to where he needed to be, he emerged into the large tunnels. Now all he had to do was walk until he found an appealing place to rest for the night. Grizzly had gotten rather good with adventuring, it was really all he had done in the past year. Which was perhaps why he had no family, no lover, and barely any friends; like most felines in Hexasol did. Although the no friends thing had never been his intention, that was the way it'd turned out. He often wondered if it was because he was deaf, and not many knew how to handle talking to a cat that couldn't hear them back. Grizzly didn't even want to think about how many encounters he'd missed because someone had tried to talking when they were behind him or how many animals had trash talked him solely because he couldn't hear them. As much as Grizzly had embraced his deaf life, he knew it was what kept him from settling or really befriending others. He hated that others had to adjust for him so he convinced himself that being a loner; an adventurer, was good enough. Grizzly had thought maybe seven months ago, that he had found a female who he could picture his whole life with. Maria. She was a decently attractive cat, nothing exotic but he had never been one to go for just looks. She was sweet, tough, brave, and loved to laugh. So many times, he had longed to hear her laugh. He hated longing to hear, but he did it anyways. She showed tons of interest in him, often made him feel like he was worthy and that her adjusting wasn't that bad. But one day, she just stopped showing interest. He thought maybe it was just a bad day, until she would become later and later to their meets. When she would show, it was almost like she was avoiding everything she had learned to help Grizzly listen to her. One could only imagine how that hurt him. Eventually, she wouldn't even show. Then one day, she came smelling of another male. Maria never spoke a word in front of him, he just smiled and nodded before he walked away. It wasn't a huge heartbreak, it wasn't something to scar him forever. It just happened. A little over an hour ago, Grizzly had been soaked but after a few dog like shakes he was finally starting to puff back out. Still, he wouldn't be fully dry for hours to come. Whenever he was drenched, he looked a little like a wet mop, which he hated. He remembered as a kitten hating the fact that he looked like a girl because of his thick coat, but being older he knew how much it had saved him in the winter and strangely the large cat had grown to love his coat. It was funny how things changed when you got older. Grizzly had been walking rather slow, admiring the drops of rain leaking through the cave ceilings. He almost imagined the sound they made, mixed with his constant eery silence, it was beautiful. When all of the sudden, his ears laid back. He dropped his food in front of him, before continuing forwards. He emerged into the mouth of a cave, the rain outside fully visible. There was a cat ahead towards the belly of the cave, a completely drenched cat. He let out a small rumble from his chest before he finally walked to where he could view the cat. "I mean no harm,"

[/b] he said trying to control his voice, being loud really wasn't the best idea. "I'm just passing through, so please don't let me disturb....you."

Even in the darkness, he knew that face. Nutmeg. Somehow, he never forgot his childhood friend's face. No matter how little he'd seen her in his lifetime.

"You look wet, Nutty. And starved."


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[♥Picasso]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/o5tb13.jpg] [scrolly:h(500),w(279),sy] Nutmeg had held her breath without evening realising it. Fear rose inside her as her eyes darted to the entrance of the cavern, then back into the shadows. She trying to smell the scent, but her cold got in the way, making sure she couldn't smell a thing. Cursing the stupid illness, Nutmeg took a small step back. She knew realistically that it couldn't be Cerberus coming to get her. She had seen his dead body with her own eyes, and there was no chance he could have possible faked that. Yet as soon as Nutmeg had fled his clutches she still warily looked over her shoulder and jumped at every minute noise. She couldn't bear to go back to that kind of lifestyle, and she was always anxious that Cerberus would suddenly jump out of his hiding place with a knowing, evil grin plastered on his face. Shivering, Nutmeg took a few deep, calming breaths. It isn't Cerberus, She repeated as a mantra inside her head. A voice suddenly echoed around the cave, making Nutmeg jump slightly. She tried to cover it up as a twitch as she narrowed her eyes suspiciously. It had been so long since she heard that voice that she didn't recognise it instantly. Even when the Maine Coon appeared from out of the shadows, she still didn't recognise her former best friend. Still caught up over the shock of thinking it was Cerberus, all Nutmeg wanted was for this stranger to leave immediately. She wanted to be alone. She needed to be alone. Legs shaking from cowardice, Nutmeg chewed down her bottom lip as she tried to form words. All the words she tried to spit out were caught on her throat. She could hear the blood pounding in her head and her heart raced in her ribcage. God, since when had Nutmeg turned into a little pussycat? Nutmeg wished she could just curl up and die in this cave. No one would miss her now. "Please leave," Nutmeg choked out, looking away. Embarrassment flowed through her body as she stumbled to the corner of the cave. She jolted suddenly at the nickname the cat gave her. Freezing, Nutmeg looked back up at the cat, suspicion clear on her features. Had Cerberus sent him? The nickname Nutmeg had once loved as a kitten had turned into a taunt by her ex-lover. He had twisted it into an insult, a joke, and Nutmeg hated it. How did he know her name? Perhaps he was going to try and take her away, keep her as his own. Nutmeg immediately stood, feeling a little dizzy. Why couldn't she be left in peace? He seemed concerned about her appearance. Looking down on herself, Nutmeg knew she had changed over the past year. Her fur was now matted together with no hope of recovery. Her left ear was torn from a fight with Cerberus and she was still littered in scars like a wounded warrior. "Don't call me that," Nutmeg said in less than a whisper as she squinted her eyes back at the stranger, "Who are you? What do you want?" Her memories of kittenhood and adolescence were blurred by the clarity of her recent memories. She couldn't recognise the feline before her at all. Not yet, anyway. [/scrolly]

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[fate]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=background,http://i53.tinypic.com/2na7j1w.jpg] [scrolly:h(350),w(265),sy] "Speech!" "Don't call me that," replied Nutmeg. Grizzly's face changed, he looked confused. It was obvious that she didn't recognize the maine coon but she'd always loved that nickname. Since when did she hate hearing it? Perhaps, he had missed way too much. Maybe the feline had changed just as much as her appearance had. Addressing her appearance, Grizzly couldn't take his eyes off her. Not for good reasons either. He could hardly fathom how the lovely kitten he knew, could look this horrid. She was extremely thin, emaciated, and scarred. This couldn't just be her matured, his friend had seen hard times. Hell, she was seeing hard times from the looks of it. "Who are you? What do you want?" it was confirmed that she didn't recognize the male one bit. She addressed him with a negative attitude, her facial expressions told him that. He was pretty sure that earlier, she'd told him to leave. Although he had barely caught the word because he had found it impossible to get a good look at her mouth. Grizzly hadn't moved a inch since calling her Nutty, he didn't know what to do. He was stunned. Nutmeg had startled him, he was expecting a light hearted reunion and instead she looked ready to kill him. He had almost forgotten that she had asked him a question, until his eyes met hers momentarily. "You used to love that name," he replied quietly, his eyes locking on her. "Stay there, Nutmeg." demanded Grizzly. He quickly back tracked, he didn't even look back at her. If she stayed, she wouldn't regret it and if she ran, he could always track her. Grizzly sniffed his way back, only a small distance, to where he had dropped his rat. Nutmeg just looked absolutely horrid, so malnourished. Scooping the rat into his teeth, he brought his body back to the mouth of the cave. He walked back to the exact same spot to where he had been and dropped the rat. Nudging the rat closer to her, he then stepped back. It was then that he exchanged another look with her. She still look pissed, frustrated. "Just eat it," he sighed. "You need food." Whether she would take the food, was to be discovered, but it was something he knew he had needed to do. Besides, he really wasn't that hungry and everything about Nutmeg screamed starvation. A rat would by no means fill her up or put some meat on her bones, but it would be one step closer to satisfying her. He had no idea why she was the way she was now, but he knew he wouldn't leave without finding out. It was just up to Nutmeg as to whether she'd accept the food. "Also, I'm deaf so talk to my face," he stated coldly. "And my name is Grizzly." occ: horrible post, but i'm sleep deprived. sorry!</3

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[♥Picasso]

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[atrb=background,http://i48.tinypic.com/axbo8y.jpg] Nutmeg was avoiding the cat's gaze. Perhaps, if she looked closer, sharpened her focus, then she would recognise the strange, fuzzy cat that had walked into the cave. Perhaps it would jolt her memory back to her kittenhood, when she had played for hours on end with a certain deaf kitten, who she had always called her best friend. Nutmeg's mind had closed off, however. She refused to think back because memories were just too painful right now. Instead, Nutmeg closed her eyes, blocking out the pain. Her body trembled with shivers, from both the cold and her weakness. Day by day, Nutmeg had felt her body weakening, but she'd paid no heed to it. Her mind had dulled, and she no longer cared what happened to her. As much as she had wanted to be free from Cerberus, now that she was free, Nutmeg was at a loss. She didn't know what to do. She was stuck in an endless cycle of hunger and sleep. The Maine Coon spoke up, and Nutmeg frowned. He was right. She had loved that nickname. Back when she was young and naive and happy. She had enjoyed the nickname. It was cute and catchy. Cerberus had dirtied the name, and the mere thought of it made her stomach roll with sickness. The cat then instructed Nutmeg to stay where she was. Looking up, she saw the feline disappear back into the shadows. For a split second, Nutmeg considered running. Her legs were already weak and tired, and the rain was still falling outside. She wouldn't make it far and the cat would easily catch her up. She let out a small sigh. Nutmeg obediently did as she was told, despite hating every second of it. She despised being told what to do. She despised being obedient. Cerberus had carved her into an obedient little plaything and Nutmeg had been stuck like this. She shook the thoughts of her old mate out of her mind. She needed to stop thinking about the past. It would just make her worse. Make her more sick. The feline returned with a rat, and Nutmeg eyed it suspiciously but hungrily. Her stomach growled eagerly, and Nutmeg couldn't be bothered to wonder why this cat was being kind to her. She leaned forward and snapped up the small rat, ripping its flesh from its bones and swallowing it down wolfishly. The rat was gone in seconds, and it certainly filled a gap in Nutmeg's stomach. Licking her lips, Nutmeg realised that she had left nothing for the stranger. As suspicious and wary as Nutmeg was, she felt guilty for not sharing the meal with him. Nutmeg had been so used to sharing every morsel of food with Cerberus that she felt an unbearable, wracking guilt seize her. How dare she be so greedy! Perhaps this had been a test. Perhaps he was going to teach her a lesson in gluttony. Nutmeg raised her gaze to the feline, fear clearly displayed in her amber eyes. "I'm sorry," She choked out, the digesting rat churning uneasily in her stomach, "I should have shared. I'm sorry." She wasn't even aware of repeating herself as she babbled her apology. The cold voice suddenly jolted Nutmeg, and she stared at the cat. Grizzly. The name rang a bell. Deaf Grizzly. She looked down at his lips, then back up to his emerald eyes. Grizzly. His name was Grizzly. Closing her eyes, Nutmeg traced back her memories, as much as it pained her, and suddenly a dam opened. Grizzly. She let out a small gasp when she realised just who this feline was. Her former best friend. They had lost contact years ago. Nutmeg had never thought their paths would cross again, yet here he was. She shakily stood, eyes latched onto the Maine Coon. He hadn't changed much since their last meeting. He looked older, wiser, and Nutmeg wasn't surprised. She knew he would turn into a very mature young feline. How old must he be now? The same age as Nutmeg, of course, but Nutmeg had lost count of the years she'd been on this Earth for. Four? Five? Age didn't count. "Grizzly." Nutmeg repeated with awe. She still couldn't quite believe the luck. It could have easily been a ruthless dog or a territorial feline who had stalked into this cave and torn her to pieces. Yet here Grizzly was. She let out a weak laugh. "I'm sorry. I didn't recognise you. I've not been myself recently." She longed to approach Grizzly and rub against his thick fur and arch her back against his chin, yet something stopped her. The last animal to touch her had been Cerberus, and it had been at least a year since it had been a morsel of affection from him. She had almost forgotten how to display affection to another. "Where have you been?" Nutmeg asked finally, before Grizzly could question how she had ended up like this. She wanted to avoid that at all costs.

[fate]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=background,http://i53.tinypic.com/2na7j1w.jpg] [scrolly:h(350),w(265),sy] "Speech!" Grizzly had known that Nutmeg was hungry, but didn't realize the extent of it until she began to scarf down the small rat that he'd brought to her. She didn't even speak before it, she just scooped him up and devoured it. He was glad he had remembered it and decided to give it to her, because it was obvious to him now that she hadn't eaten in a week, maybe more. He always ate light, he liked to keep a little bit of hunger unsatisfied as it made him hunt better. If one was stuffed, why would they go hunting? If they were hungry, why wouldn't they go hunting? That was his logic, a way of life he'd picked up in his years of traveling alone. Returning back to the present, he watched as Nutmeg finished off the rat and then looked up at him; her eyes filled with fear. The Maine coon looked puzzled, in return. She had no need to be afraid, but then again she did still think he was a stranger. And in some ways, he was. Though friends, he was older now and so was Nutmeg. Things weren't really the same anymore, they were both strangers to each other in reality. "I'm sorry," ..."I should have shared. I'm sorry." The Maine coon tried to put on the most peaceful face he could, showing not even a hint of anger in his face. Not that he was angry, but more he knew that Nutmeg thought he was. "Don't apologize, I gave it to you. If I had been hungry, I would've eaten it when I first caught it. You are fine," he spoke calmly, obviously not caring that she hadn't shared. "I am sorry that it wasn't something more filling, we'll make sure you get your stomach full when this rain cools down." Then he saw her brain working, trying hard to place who he was. He had added the deaf thing because they weren't many deaf Grizzly's in Hexasol. She would eventually place him, and if not he could always just tell her. Or he could have started all over, pretended to meet her for the first time. That would have been a fun twist, a little action in his boring life. But she had also not been pleased with the idea of company, hopefully she would change her mind because he was hoping to stick around for a little while. All of the sudden, a gasp brought his attention back to the mangled tortoise cat. He chuckled, knowing she had finally placed him. "Not the same old fluff ball anymore, am I?" he said, grinning. "Grizzly."... "I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you. I've not been myself recently." He didn't know if that was her way of explaining her appearance or if it was more of a cover up. It was a subtle hint to the Maine coon though, that she didn't want to address that subject. Noted, Nutmeg. If she didn't want to talk about it, he understood. "Where have you been?" asked Nutty, er Nutmeg. He'd have to program that into his brain now. All that time of her being Nutty, would have to be discarded. "I shouldn't have expected you to recognize me, it's okay. Besides we're both quite older now aren't we?" he replied, not mentioned her comment about not being herself lately. "Oh, here and there. I like to come here whenever I get really bored, all the tunnels can be amusing. I've spent a lot of time in Western Hexasol though, in the car garage. Also, out in the country as I really enjoy the castle there."

[/b] his voice already filling with excitement, oh how he loved his travels. He noted that he'd have to show Nutmeg the castle, and perhaps his residence in the car garage. "If you haven't noticed, I like to travel. Pretty much all I've done with my life."

He paused, trying to think of what he should ask her. No mentioning the appearance. Which also sort of meant no mentioning the past, in a way. Finding a good question, he met her gaze. "How long have you been in these caves?"[/b]


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[♥Picasso]

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[atrb=background,http://i48.tinypic.com/axbo8y.jpg] ooc; Apologies for the wait! Nutmeg saw that Grizzly didn't mind the fact that she hadn't shared the rat with her former friend, but she still wondered whether he was hiding his anger. She was wary to say the least. That was what it had been like with Cerberus. He had used to be fine when Nutmeg made little mistakes; he had laughed it off and given her a nuzzle. Yet suddenly his mood turned sour, and every little thing Nutmeg did was wrong. She never found out what he had done that had made Cerb turn so angry. Perhaps she never will find out. Perhaps it was just something males did. Nutmeg knew how she had mood changes, but they were infrequent, and not as dramatic as Cerb's. She sighed and looked at Grizzly. Was it a male thing, or just a Cerberus thing? Nutmeg longed for a friend like Grizzly again, but she was just too scared. She didn't want to get too close. They were like fire; stand too close and you get burnt. As Nutmeg accessed her memories again, she wondered when she had actually last seen Grizzly. The waterfall, surely? They had both been fully grown at that point, but they were still young and silly. Nutmeg smiled fondly at the memory. She had enjoyed the sound of the water crashing into the lake. She recalled it soothing her to sleep, until Grizzly had arrived and awoken her. It had been a lazy day and they had parted their ways amicably. The two cats that stood here now were very different felines. Both had gone through events that they would never forget, and those events have changed them. Nutmeg wondered why she had never arranged to meet Grizzly again after that day. Why had they left each other in the first place? They could have found a shelter together, stuck together in the bitter cold. Nutmeg wouldn't have protested. Perhaps that would have brought them closer, and Nutmeg would never have met Cerberus in the first place. She let out a sigh. There was no use thinking of what if's or what could have beens. Everyone knew you couldn't change the past. As Grizzly spoke, she listened intently. He had always been quite ambitious, wanting to travel farther than before. They had first met in the middle of a snowstorm, both sneaking away from their guardians. It was a distant memory now, one of the earliest Nutmeg ever owned. What happened that day, Nutmeg couldn't really remember. All she remembered was the thick snow and the fuzzy kitten she had met on the aeroplane. They had both been very adventurous back then. Not a care in the world. Neither of them felt fear. In fact, Nutmeg remembered back then, she felt invincible. Nothing could hurt her when she was a kitten. The solid truth that Nutmeg faced as she became older hurt. Since then, she had been hurt very badly. "I never travelled," Nutmeg admitted softly, "I don't see the point anymore." She turned her head to look out at the rain glumly. She had lost the will to live. Everything seemed so pointless now. She had no aspirations, no wishes, no goals. She no longer had a mate. She has never had kittens. She has no idea where the rest of her family are. Nutmeg had learnt the cold, harsh truth of life. It was hard and painful and not worth it. They were in the middle of a warzone, caught between dogs and cats who were savages towards each other. They killed each other for revenge, and Nutmeg thought it pointless. What did everyone strive towards? She just didn't understand anymore. Cerberus had taught her to trust no one and to obey him. Since his death, Nutmeg felt lost. At the question, she dully gazed back at the Maine Coon, "I don't know," She replied, "A few weeks? Months? It's hard to tell." She considered telling Grizzly about Cerberus, but he hadn't asked. She wondered how much she would tell him if he had asked. What would his reaction be to her finding a mate? They had always been close, but Nutmeg was sure he probably found some sweetheart by now. He was a good looking cat. Nutmeg decided it was probably best to ask than to keep thinking about it. "So you travelled alone?" She pressed. It wasn't a direct question about his love life, but it would probably give a sufficient answer.

[fate]

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[atrb=background,http://i46.tinypic.com/250kqar.jpg] "Speech." "Speech." ooc; hope you don't mind, changed the speech color. which do you like - if any. ^^^ Nutmeg seemed so scared, worried. Her eyes, they were the biggest indication that she'd seen some of the horror that Hexasol - the world, had within it. He could never find a way to explain how he read strangers or even friends. Like with a kitten, you could look at their eyes and know they were innocent souls not yet exposed to the world. One could see kind eyes, evil eyes, the eyes were a hint to the soul. Nutmeg's used to be so strong, though kitten eyes, her eyes always showed struggle yet how much she believed in her power. Even when they had last seen each other, which was so long ago at the falls, her eyes didn't seem so...hurt. Not to forget how bad off she looked. He could barely remember all the times they had seen each other, all he remembered was her and who she was - er, who she used to be. Stop, fussed his brain. You've been talking for less than a few minutes, she could still be the same. He wasn't trying to judge or jump to conclusions, he just knew she wasn't exactly the same. Besides, had he really known her as well as he thought he once did? Time changed people, perhaps that was the case. "I never traveled," ... "I don't see the point anymore." This made Grizzly shake his head, almost instantly. "You've traveled, how do you think you got here? The question is whether your travels, were adventures." the Maine coon stated, a friendly grin appearing on his face. "And let me tell you, there is always a point in adventures." He wondered if she'd come with him, let him show her around Hexasol or if she was firm about her views on traveling. He had always wanted someone to travel with, he'd never made a friend who understood his ways and who he was. Though Nutmeg stared at him with frantic, scared eyes; eyes that plainly showed her fear of him, he knew she still understood him. Even if she had to dig a little, bring back some of the good old days, back when she was okay with being Nutty. Then she answered his question, "I don't know," ..."A few weeks? Months? It's hard to tell." Really? Grizzly couldn't understand that. The caves were cool, but they were so gloomy. They were breaks from life, not life itself. Now wonder she looked horrid, she probably hadn't walked in the daylight in a while. Walked in a field of flowers or look over a huge beautiful lake, no, it was clear that Nutmeg had only seen gray for a while. Disgusting, he thought. Poor Nutmeg, where had her ambition gone? Maybe six years - or however long it had been - really could restart and reboot someone from the inside and out. But he sure to God hoped not. All he could do was nod, a simple "oh okay". He was too busy thinking, it was a bad habit. So much time spent alone, made him have more conversations mentally than physically. In a totally non insane way. For a brief moment, he wondered how different he looked to Nutmeg. Had he changed much? He didn't think so, then again, he knew he had matured... or he hoped so. He'd hate to be the kitten he was so long ago, actually perhaps he wouldn't mind the innocent eyes and conscious. He smiled at the thought. Before he could ask her anything further, she asked him something. "So you traveled alone?" the tortoise, questioned. Alone? Well, of course. Grizzly didn't have friends, only acquaintances if that. No one liked a deaf friend, too difficult to adjust too. Not to forget how stupid he must sound when he talks. Surely, his words had lost the great sound they used to have. "Ha, one thing you'll notice eventually Nutmeg is that I don't really make friends anymore. Perhaps, you were my only. No one likes adjusting to a deaf kitty, but that's life." he chuckled, assuring her that everything he'd said was alright with him. But then his mind paused, what if she hadn't meant friends? Just friends? They were older now, the perfect or even past the age to have a family. It finally hit him, Nutmeg was talking about a mate. The Maine coon cleared his throat before talking, "But no, I never traveled with anyone. There was maybe one, a girl, but she had no interest in seeing the city." he ended a bit quieter then planned, unsure as to why. Maria, wasn't even close to being considered a lover or a mate. Sure, he'd flirted a few times, but the thought embarrassed him so. Only because every time, he struck out and made a huge mockery of himself. "Such a shame though," he pointed out. "The city has many beautiful places." He shifted his weight, letting his tail wrap around his legs while he sat. Looking behind him first, at the dark and gloomy scenery behind him then back at Nutmeg. He met her eyes with a soft smile, "You know Nutmeg, an adventure is exactly what you need." his smile turning to a sweet grin. "No more gray." he said chuckling.

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[atrb=background,http://i48.tinypic.com/axbo8y.jpg] ooc; it's fine ^^ While Nutmeg stared out into the desolate fields beyond the cave, she shrugged. Yes, she had travelled from the city to the caves, but it had been a five hour walk and she had kept her head down for most of the way. In fact, Nutmeg wasn't entirely sure how she had even brought herself here. She had been exhausted and hungry and it was just pure luck that she found such a good shelter. Nutmeg hadn't planned to stay here, especially for not such a long time, but it just happened like that. She had no reason to go back to Hexasol. It held too many bad memories. She just wanted to stay out here, forgotten. One day, when she is long gone, a family of wolves will take shelter in this cave. Her corpse would have rotten away, leaving only her bones as a marker of her resting place. The wolves will spare no thought to the animal who died there, and perhaps two cubs will start to wrestle between one of her bones. A shiver descended down her spine. Why was she thinking about this? Grizzly was here now, looking extremely concerned. She glanced up at the Maine Coon, confused. It had been years since they had last met and she couldn't fathom why Grizzly would even care. She was a nobody to him. However, he seemed eager to be there for her and rekindle the friendship they had lost. Nutmeg wasn't so sure. She didn't know whether she wanted someone invading her routine. Although she clearly wasn't coping on her own, she liked the peace and quiet. A small smile quirked her lips. Grizzly got peace and quiet all the time. He had never heard an ounce of sound in his life. Nutmeg wondered what it could possibly be like, living deaf. She wondered how dangerous it would be, if you couldn't hear danger approaching. She faintly recalled Grizzly telling her when they were kittens that the deafness heightened the rest of his senses. "Adventure isn't really my thing," Nutmeg replied, "I'd rather just lay here and watch the world go by." A few years ago, Nutmeg would've jumped at an adventure. She remembered the antics she and Grizzly got up to behind their family's back. She also remembered the weeks of confinement when she was ill. Doll and Pancake had been worrisome parents. Nutmeg frequently got sick and they immediately quarantined her. Nutmeg still remembered the burning loneliness and bitterness over her illness. She had hated her body with dying passion back then. Now? Nutmeg just loathed every aspect about herself. Cerberus had made sure of that. She was too thin, her eyes were too dull, her coat was too rough, she couldn't hunt, she couldn't speak, she couldn't make love. Nutmeg let her eyes slide shut. She was wrong in every way. When Grizzly admitted to travelling alone, she nodded slowly. She couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to live as a deaf cat. To explain that you had to speak facing them so that they could read your lips. Nutmeg was an exception because she had just been a kitten when they'd met. She'd been open to any kind of cat or dog back then. However, she recalled Grizzly saying how none of the kittens in the Lexis let him join in on their games. Nutmeg remembered how cruel that had been. Now, as adults, Grizzly still couldn't make friends easily. Nutmeg had come across a few strange cats in her time, including a cat with only three legs. She lived out on the outskirts of the city, where prey was plentiful nearly all year round. She admitted that it wasn't difficult hunting with only three legs once you got used to it, but you are rarely approached by strangers. The weak, the disabled, they are all cast out of the city. Labelled as wrong and discarded. Nutmeg had hated prejudice ever since she'd met Grizzly. It never seemed fair. Grizzly suddenly mentioned a girl, who had not been interested in seeing the city. For a split second, Meg thought that the Maine Coon was talking about her, before she shook her head with amusement. Of course he wasn't talking about her. It was a stupid thought. However, now that he mentioned that, Nutmeg realised that Grizzly won't be staying for very long. She had just mentioned that she had no interest in travelling and exploring, just like Grizzly's past girl. He would leave on his next adventure by the morning probably, leaving Nutmeg alone with her thoughts again. As she thought about this, a pang of regret surged in Nutmeg's stomach. Did she want Grizzly to leave? They had only just reunited. She hadn't met anyone since Cerberus, and it was refreshing to have a familiar, friendly face with her. But it was unlikely Grizzly would stay for long. He would itch to get out of the caves, to see something new and exciting. He didn't want to stay in this dank cave forever. At the chuckle, Meg turned her head and shook her head, "I couldn't possibly go on an adventure," She countered, "I just want to stay here. Rot away." Nutmeg added the last part under her breath, before remembering that Grizzly could read everything Nutmeg said. She let out a half-hearted shrug as she curled up even tighter into herself. "I met a cat," She finally said, after a long pause, "But he's dead now. Long gone." She wasn't willing to expand on Cerberus. The thought of even speaking his name made Nutmeg feel sick. It was as though his name was a curse, and if she spoke it he would suddenly return with his evil eyes and sly grin.

[fate]

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[atrb=background,http://i46.tinypic.com/250kqar.jpg] "Speech." As to why Grizzly had explained Maria to Nutmeg the way he did, he had no idea. It was technically true that she didn't like traveling or seeing the city. She just never showed interest, but then again, in the end she didn't show interest in him either. Grizzly always wondered what he would've done if things had gone further. What if they had fallen in love? It could have easily happened on Grizzly's side. But would he have stopped his adventures? He liked to think so, even though that was really all he had. Perhaps when he was offered more - like a mate or a family, he'd be able to stop traveling. Really traveling was just his was of keeping his life interesting, without friends or a lover; there wasn't much of anything else to his life. Grizzly had many things that could deeply depress him if he allowed it. In fact, for a while he'd done partially what Nutmeg was doing. He believed he was five, maybe four turning five. Everyone he saw was in love or had a family, they all seemed complete. Like their destiny's had come true. And at that time, he hadn't even met a female that meant anything more then just a casual flirting. This was the point in his life where he knew he'd matured, grown from. Despite that yearning for what everyone else had, he wondered if perhaps his destiny was just different. Besides the maine coon was different, so possibly his life was going to be different. Once he accepted that, he emerged from one of the grayest times of his life. Now traveling was his life, he kept him happy. It was his thrill. He just wondered if Nutmeg, would emerge from her sulking. If she would understand and accept her destiny, and if she would end up happy. Because of this moment, she didn't look happy at all. "Adventure isn't really my thing," ..."I'd rather just lay here and watch the world go by." Oh Nutmeg. He wished he could show her, convince her that times get better. Although he knew nothing of her story, he understood that it had hurt her. Greatly. Grizzly wondered what they would do. He loved the kitten he had met so long ago, he could even say he still loved that kitten. He held her dearly in his heart, even with barely knowing her. But there would be no way that the male could just "watch the world go by", maybe for a little while, but if she never changed her mind...he'd have to leave. Or he would fall into the same depression as her. "I couldn't possibly go on an adventure,"..."I just want to stay here. Rot away."..."I met a cat," She finally said, after a long pause, "But he's dead now. Long gone." Rot away. Just the idea of Nutmeg "rotting away" ached him. Grizzly made sure to display his sadness, his sympathy for her, in his expression. "Nutmeg, don't say that..., please." he whispered. She was just so different now and now that she'd mentioned a mate, he knew that had to be it. Just her reaction when she spoke of him, made even Grizzly flinch. He read emotions just like they were his own, stronger and more real in his eyes. "Whatever he did, he changed you and not for the better." he replied, trying to be soft with the subject. Honestly, he wasn't even sure he wanted to know what had occurred. He figured it wasn't anything lovely or wonderful. "You use to be so ill when you were younger, your parents kept you on lock down during those days. And I remember on those days, I was so lost. Then you'd come back, as healthy as your body would let you be and suddenly I knew what to do with myself." he explained, pausing before continuing. "By no means, is the extent the same but you would come back and save me from the life I swore I hated. Pretty much, a life where no one cared. If you let me, Nutmeg; I like to try and save you. Because trust me, there is no way you're rotting away. I'm positive that's not your fate." He hoped he didn't sound too strange, too weird. And he really hoped he didn't sound demanding or pushy. Honestly, he just wanted her to know that he was there for her and would help her out of whatever she was going through. "You think about an adventure and let me know, if it's alright with you I want to stick around a bit." He stood up, stretching after sitting for so long. He glanced around the cave then out behind him onto the land outside of the cave. When Grizzly met Nutmeg's eyes again, he chuckled. "Someone needs to fatten you up."

[♥Picasso]

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[atrb=background,http://i48.tinypic.com/axbo8y.jpg] Nutmeg didn't know what she wanted from Grizzly. Her thoughts and feelings conflicted each other. On one side, she wanted Grizzly to stay with her, cuddle up to her closely and make her forget everything that had ever happened. On the other hand, she wanted Grizzly to leave. Leave her to her haunting thoughts, let her rot away here until there was nothing left but a bag of bones. Did Nutmeg really want to die? She didn't know what was past death, but Nutmeg reckoned there was nothing. You just cease to exist once you die. You will just become a rotting body and your existence will be forgotten. Shuddering, Nutmeg wasn't sure whether she wanted that either. Perhaps it was wise to keep Grizzly close. Maybe he will give her a reason to keep going, keep living. She already felt a strong fondness for the Maine Coon. As Grizzly begged for her to not say such bad things, Nutmeg silenced. It was clearly affecting Grizzly. She wondered what it would be like if their positions were switched. What if it was Grizzly who was wishing for death, and Nutmeg was watching in horror? It wouldn't be pleasant. Nutmeg was being selfish. She shouldn't pile her worries onto Grizzly. He didn't deserve them. Nutmeg nearly muttered out an apology, but at last second she didn't. She wasn't sure what to say to Grizzly, especially when he said Cerberus changed her for the worse. Of course he did. Nutmeg wasn't a fool. She was well aware that Cerb had fucked her up big time. She was never going to be the same again because of that bastard. Nutmeg wished she had killed him in his sleep. Watched him suffer as she clamped her jaws down on his neck. She wanted to watch his expression as he saw she was fighting back. But she hadn't fought back. Nutmeg had cowered like a pathetic little kitten from her parents. She had let Cerb do as he pleased to her. She had had plenty of chances to kill him, but she had always been too afraid. Nutmeg could have gotten out of that mess, if she had just plucked up the courage. I am a coward. A pathetic coward. Her mind cursed her, and Nutmeg closed her eyes. She could have done something. If she told Grizzly the whole story, he would tell her she should have just left. She had had plenty of chances to sneak out while he slept. Perhaps he wouldn't have followed her scent. Maybe he would have let her go. Nutmeg would never know now. Cerberus was dead and Nutmeg couldn't dwell on the past any longer. It was pointless. Grizzly suddenly spoke up about when they had been kittens. Gazing into his emerald eyes, she watched and listened with fascination as he spoke of her helping him through their kittenhood. How did he know her fate? What even was fate? Nutmeg almost felt anger at Grizzly deciding her 'fate' for her, but she didn't speak up. He could see in his eyes just how much he wanted to help her, and Nutmeg decided that she may as well try, even if it didn't work. Meg silently nodded, not trusting her lips to speak. Letting out a wide yawn, she curled up again, a wash of tiredness suddenly descending over her. That had been a large problem recently. With very little food, Nutmeg had found herself becoming lethargic and tired more easily, and all she wanted to do was sleep for forever. "Fine, stick around," Nutmeg yawned out as she let her eyes slide shut, "But I'm sorry if you can't fix me. I might be too far broken to be fixed." At the comment of fattening her up, Nutmeg glanced down at her thin body and shrugged. She was used to the clawing hunger by now. "I'm tired," She said simply, "Let's sleep now. We can speak more at sunrise." ooc; not sure whether it's the end of the thread or not. We can always make another one, set a few weeks later?