` walking on glass. [PICASSO]

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[atrb=background,http://i46.tinypic.com/250kqar.jpg] "Speech." It'd been almost four weeks, closer to three really, since Grizzly had found Nutmeg within the skeleton caves. He'd seen how bad of a condition she was in and decided to stick around, hoping to heighten her spirits or even get some meat on her bones. Despite how much Grizzly hated staying in the caves this long, he still planned to stay. Although no matter how much he convinced himself that he was fine, he wasn't. Depression was beginning to hit him hard, the fact that he looked at these caves pretty much the whole day, every day messed with him. Even when he went out for food, he still knew he had to come back to the dreariness of all the gray. However, he was still able to keep a smile on his face and though he got grumpy more frequently, he could still have friendly and easy conversations with Nutmeg. Or at least, he tried to. He had done so good, keeping a hold of himself all until two days ago. It hadn't been discussed out loud, nor had any suggestions been made as to what they should do, but Nutmeg had gone into heat. And for Grizzly, his hormones were up the wall. He couldn't sleep without tossing and turning. He most definitely could not sleep close to Nutmeg either. Now he slept at the front of the cave, near the exit. At first he'd slept there the first couple nights, until he'd eventually moved deeper in when it rained a few nights straight and he was freezing. Grizzly was doing his best, to keep himself together and still be able to act civilized but, on top of his grumpiness and depression; this really just didn't help. It was almost morning, when Grizzly finally just gave up on a night of sleep. Pulling himself off the ground slowly, he yawned. Standing on the tips of his toes he stretched out his whole body before looking over to Nutmeg, who was still sleeping. She looked a bit healthier, though he knew she wasn't exactly wanting to fatten up. Usually, she'd eat enough to satisfy her and then stop; not quite enough to drastically change her weight back to normal. Though, he didn't allow himself to look at her long, because it just wasn't appropriate with the situation. Thank god for the self control that he had. Trying to refrain from breathing in the aroma that Nutmeg let off, he stepped outside. Perhaps he'd go hunting, get his mind off of everything. Scanning the horizon, he sighed when he saw the ground. It had rained last night, so he should have expected the ground to be cold and soggy though he had hoped it wouldn't be. The rain had been part of the reason that Grizzly wasn't able to catch any sleep last night. The rain occasionally sprayed into the cave, semi soaking Grizzly; which left him freezing and drenched. Finally, he decided to wait for Nutmeg to wake up then he'd go off and search for something. Going back to his resting spot, he plopped back down, all sprawled out like he was a kitten. Now he would just wait. ooc: blehhhhh. sorry for the wait and how I didn't even talk about whether they fought or not and etc. Also, I was thinking the whole he leaves in the night plan would happen later. Like after this day.

[♥Picasso]

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[atrb=background,http://i48.tinypic.com/axbo8y.jpg] "Speech!" Nutmeg tossed and turned in a fitful slumber. Her body was buzzing with life which kept waking her. She let out a small gasp as she opened her eyes once again. It was still dark outside. Four weeks. Four weeks Grizzly had stayed by her side, feeding her, caring for her, and Nutmeg could see his patience wearing thin. With each passing day, she saw him looking out longingly at the world, hoping that one day Nutmeg will ask for an adventure, an escape. She felt terrible watching him fade away before her eyes. She wasn't helping Grizzly in any way, and he was becoming more and more like her everyday. Nutmeg didn't want to have that effect on her old friend, but Grizzly was stubborn. He wanted to help her, but in doing so he wasn't helping himself. Whilst Nutmeg's depression continued to shroud her thoughts, Grizzly was also sinking into the never ending blackness. Nutmeg stayed where she was as she heard Grizzly rustle around and head outside. A pang of fear raced through her heart at the thought of Grizzly leaving. It wouldn't be long. One day she will wake up and find him gone. He can't live with much more of this. Nutmeg kept her eyes shut as she waited for the movement to stop, before she relaxed her body and sighed. It hadn't been easy these past few days. In fact, it had been extremely difficult to control herself. A few days ago, Nutmeg noticed with growing horror that her heat had begun. The last time she had gone into heat it had been with Cerberus, and he hadn't been able to get off of her. Nutmeg had had to endure many matings with her ex-lover, and for nothing. Nutmeg had been glad there had been no pregnancy, but the memories of those terrible nights still haunted her. There had been no communication when Nutmeg's heat first started with Grizzly. She had awkwardly descended deeper into the cave so that Grizzly could escape the alluring scent. She almost expected Grizzly to eventually give in and either mate with her, or leave. It had been a shock when he just moved away from her and stayed at the mouth of the cave. She should've known. She was still so used to Cerberus that she had expected Grizzly to turn into a monster as soon as her heat struck. Grizzly would never harm her, at least not intentionally. As Nutmeg watched Grizzly begin to get soaked with rain, she wondered whether he ever wanted a family. Probably not, Nutmeg decided. He was a lone cat who liked to travel. He couldn't be tied down by kittens. They would stop him from exploring and having adventures. He would have to be there for them and bring them back meals each night. Grizzly preferred to be alone. As the sun began to peek over the horizon, Nutmeg stood up and sat down a clear distance away from Grizzly. She was also aware of the nightmares that riddled her mind at night. More than a few times she had awoken crying or screaming. She was glad of Grizzly's deafness at some points. Her screaming would've woken him if he had full hearing, but instead she just hoped he slept soundly through it. Shuffling on her paws, she was aware of her own scent flourishing around her. Nutmeg wished her body would do as it was told. She clearly was not in a good position to have kittens. She just couldn't. Perhaps, in a way, her body had known that when she had been with Cerberus. Perhaps it had refused to get pregnant because she was unable to look after a litter well. Or she was just baron. They sat in silence, watching the world outside. Nutmeg had nothing to say.

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[atrb=background,http://i46.tinypic.com/250kqar.jpg] "Speech." Stretching out his toes, the Maine coon thought back at all his adventures. Climbing through the roofs of old houses, searching through old boxes to see what weird possessions humans once had. Or perhaps crouching in a field, hiding behind tall grass and acting like he was a large tiger. It was funny what places he really enjoyed going to. Like the car garage, how he'd picked one comfy car and slowly made it his own. It was nothing special, heck it was even normally really dark, but for some reason he considered it his home somewhat. Oh how he missed it. Grizzly couldn't understand what would push Nutmeg this deep into depression that she'd never want to leave this cave. But he knew it was something strong and that was why he was staying; because he was positive that if he left, Nutmeg would stay here and rot away. The idea of that just didn't settle right with him and it never would. Although no matter how nice Grizzly was, one day he'd have to leave or he'd rot away here with her too. Rolling over onto his back, he noticed Nutmeg sitting a fair distance away. Looking a bit embarrassed, he got on his feet and looked back to smile. "Good Morning." he greeted, although to Nutmeg it came out more like a whisper. That was perhaps the first few words they'd exchanged in a day or two. Even if they used to be good friends, their friendship was on rough waters. With Nutmeg being severely depressed and Grizzly slowly sinking, they were both so different now of days. The Maine coon sighed, before glancing out at the world outside the cave again. He could just walk away, say goodbye and leave her. After all it wasn't his fault that she was depressed. Except that wasn't who he was and it never would be. He had a large heart, which normally got him into big trouble. Swishing his tail back and forth, he began to imagine the two of them traveling. "Nutty, hurry up! You're so slow, you've got to see this view!" purred the young Maine coon. Of course, this was all his thoughts, but then he imagine Nutmeg's reply. "Shut up! I'm coming." cried out the young tortoise as she reached the destination. It was a silly dream, one where two kittens watched the sunset together. When worries and life had no affect on them just yet. "When I first found the castle, I climbed in through a window. The first room was intensely eery, but after I tiptoed through it...oh Nutmeg. You just wouldn't believe how pretty some of the rooms are. There's this huge, what I believed was called a ballroom. And the whole castle was filled with mice." he explained, sounding like kid at a candy store. "In addition, the roof...is beautiful. Or well, rather the view it allows. I always sleep in the tallest room, you can sit on the window seal and see everything. I know you would love it." He just kept trying, trying so hard to convince her to trust him and just go travel with him. But his attempts were useless, part of his heart already knew that. It was evident that the only way Grizzly would be leaving this cave would be by himself. Nutmeg was content staying and rotting away. It broke his heart, but the young male would soon see what must be done. Depression was killing him, all he did now was wish, sigh, and hope. Besides, all they had done was exchange petty conversations. Useless attempts to motivate her. Had Nutmeg ever once opened up about what had happened? No. There was no evidence that she intended to either. Sure, Grizzly was patient, but that wouldn't last long. Sadly, the story of Nutmeg and Grizzly would soon come to a harsh end. ooc; Maybe they could get in a fight about how he's being stupid to stay and all that jazz. Then it gets to night and he "leaves".

[♥Picasso]

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[atrb=background,http://i48.tinypic.com/axbo8y.jpg] As soon as Grizzly noticed her, he whispered out a good morning. Nutmeg nodded in reply, not feeling up to speaking. She knew if any words were to come out, they would sound hoarse and scratchy. Grizzly wouldn't know that, seeing as he was deaf, but nevertheless she remained silent as they watched the outside world. Her eyes rarely moved away from the trees and fields outside. In the distance she could just about make out the edge of the city, with the towering buildings suffocating the countryside. To the right, the castle loomed over them, and behind them held the huge mountain range. Nutmeg briefly wondered what was beyond the mountains; whether there were other cities like this, or whether there was just desolate earth. Not that it really mattered. The mountains were too steep and dangerous for Nutmeg to climb, and she doubted the caves led their way to the other side. Besides, Nutmeg didn't want to move from this spot. As Grizzly began to speak enthusiastically about the castle, Nutmeg let out a small sigh. She was sick of him trying so hard. He wasn't going to dissuade her. Nutmeg continued to watch the world go by, letting Grizzly's words wash over her. She closed her eyes, just enjoying the sound of his voice without really comprehending what he was actually saying. She felt terrible for doing so, but she couldn't handle the adventures Grizzly longed for her to have. She felt like an utterly terrible friend for putting him through this, making him try so hard. She almost wanted to say yes, just to see the happiness flood across his features and his excitement in his eyes. But for some reason, Nutmeg couldn't form the words. She didn't know what was stopping her, other than the crippling fear of ever leaving the cave. She was now stuck in a habit and couldn't get out of it. She feared she may have a panic attack if she stepped one paw out of this place now. After Grizzly fell silent again, he turned her head to look at him. He looked so intensely hopeful, Nutmeg felt dread flood her heart. This was cruel. She couldn't do this to him anymore. She had to get him to leave. "Why do you bother?" Nutmeg whispered coldly, turning on him fully now, "You know I won't leave this place. Just leave me Grizzly. You're a fool for staying. How can you possibly put up with this stench?" Nutmeg lashed her tail, sending a whiff of her heat towards him. She hated her own body for producing such alluring smells. Her heart pounded in her chest as she began to pace around the cave, feeling agitated and restless. Perhaps it was just her hormones playing up, but she suddenly wanted Grizzly out. What was he still doing here?! He may as well just leave her. "I can see you going insane with boredom," Nutmeg spat, glaring at him, "Just leave Grizzly. I am never, ever going to leave this cave. I will never go on an adventure with you." She hissed, before descending deeper into the cave where the shadows cooled her heated body. She let out a small pant, wondering whether she was going to regret this. They hadn't spoken in days and suddenly she was shouting at him. She wondered what Grizzly's reaction was going to be. Would he follow her orders? Or would he try and argue, telling her that she would leave this cave eventually? No. Nutmeg knew she wouldn't leave. Nothing in the world could ever make her leave now. She was to die here. And now, after weeks of thinking, Nutmeg decided that dying here was better than venturing into the outside world.

[fate]

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[atrb=background,http://i46.tinypic.com/250kqar.jpg] "Speech." Right away, Grizzly could tell that Nutmeg wasn't going to be pleasant. Except this was not expected. All his talk of the castle went down the drain, as Nutmeg began her yelling spree. "Why do you bother?" he read off her lips, missing her actual facial expression. Then she got mean, making Grizzly almost jerk his head away from her. He didn't want to read any of this off her lips, but he never moved his head. "You know I won't leave this place. Just leave me Grizzly. You're a fool for staying. How can you possibly put up with this stench?" she continued to go on, lifting her tail to remind him of the smell that had kept him on edge so much. So he was the fool? Was it not foolish of her for her to stay here and die? She was so hardheaded. Honestly, maybe he was a fool for staying. Nutmeg hadn't shared anything about her past with him after the first day. Sure, they had had a few laughs but it wasn't the same. Nutmeg had shown no interest in wanting to rekindle their friendship; yet, he needed to stay. Maybe he was the fool, but poor Grizzly felt positive that he could change her mind. Nutmeg was getting so angry and if he could hear, he knew she'd be yelling. God! What had he done? Talked about his life? Well excuse him. All her yelling made Grizzly just miss the old Nutmeg; Nutty...but by no means did he like who she had become. He could beat the hell out of whoever made her this way, because they broke such a beautiful soul. "I can see you going insane with boredom," ... "Just leave Grizzly. I am never, ever going to leave this cave. I will never go on an adventure with you." As Nutmeg began to shout again, Grizzly sat up, his fur just a bit ruffled. She had no right to yell like she seemed she was. He didn't even know how to respond. He looked at her and then the world outside, before he got really mad. "I'm going insane with boredom, Nutmeg only because you refuse to even show the slightest bit of interest in anything. I put up with that smell because I am trying to get back our friendship. You are so selfish! I'm TRYING but you...you haven't even tried once. But you know what?!" he hissed, even though she was already walking to the back of the cave. He paused, trying to pick the best thing to say, until he ended up just breathing it off. Grizzly's stature eased and he sighed, "Goodbye, Nutmeg." and that was it. He barely even looked at her when he said it, before he began walking out. The fact that the ground was soaked and that it would probably pour rain later; didn't matter. It took a few minutes, but soon, Grizzly was most likely only a blur to Nutmeg. Was he making the right decision? Was she? Really, maybe there was no right decision. It seemed the were like fire and gasoline, no good for each other. ooc: Sorry, it sucks.

[♥Picasso]

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[atrb=background,http://i48.tinypic.com/axbo8y.jpg] "Speech!" Nutmeg was stunned into silence by her own words. What had just come over her? Frozen, Nutmeg watched as a series of emotions played over Grizzly's face. She had been cruel, and now she was going to pay for it. She almost wanted to take it all back, laugh off her words and say she was only kidding. It was too late, though. Grizzly knew full well that this wasn't a joke. Taking in a shaky breath, she listened to his angry reply. When he called her selfish, Nutmeg visibly flinched, before looking away painfully. She was being selfish, she was well aware of that, and had been for the past few weeks. She had desperately not wanted to drag Grizzly down with her, but here she was, doing exactly what she despised. There was suddenly a pregnant pause, and Nutmeg almost thought that Grizzly had left the cave. Not yet. Just when she was about to speak, apologise, say anything, he said something that shattered any way of reconciliation. Goodbye, Nutmeg. Letting out a strangled cry, she looked at the form of the leaving maine coon. Nutmeg wanted to get up and chase after him, but the crippling fear of leaving the cave was too great. Her limbs were frozen to the spot as she watched the form disappear into the distance. Only when he was completely gone was Nutmeg able to stand up from her position and run to the mouth of the cave. Grizzly's scent still strongly lingered, but Nutmeg knew it wouldn't be for long. Letting out a shriek gasp, from horror and surprise, Nutmeg began to shake with fear and loneliness. What was she to do? She had done it all wrong! Nutmeg had thought that she didn't need Grizzly. But she did. Grizzly was keeping her on the edge of sanity, preventing her from plunging into the never-ending insanity which Nutmeg was so frightened of. And what about food? A few mice and rats scuttled around the depths of the caves, but Nutmeg was too weak to hunt. It was about half an hour before Nutmeg plucked up the courage to step her paws over the cave. At first, Nutmeg felt nothing, other than the cool breeze rustling her thick fur. Then the reality began to sink in and she she began to panic. She had left the cave. As she tried to breathe, Nutmeg found that there was no air to take. She was suddenly frozen again, her chest constricting and contracting as it yearned for well-needed air. Her lungs ached as Nutmeg began to hyperventilate as her eyes flicked around her surroundings. She was vulnerable her and Grizzly was nowhere to be seen. She had been hoping that her best friend was lurking somewhere nearby, watching her movements, but there was no one. A few birds circled her above, some deer were grazing in the field nearby, but Nutmeg felt as though she was being stalked, hunted, and Grizzly wasn't here to keep her safe. She finally managed to turn and stumble back into the safety of her cave. Uncontrollable rage overcame her as she suddenly reared up on her hind legs and embedded her claws into the cave wall. A squealing shriek resounded in the cave as she scraped her nails down the rock, breaking some of the claws off in the process. Blood began to pool at her paws, leaving several smears of crimson across the wall. The pain didn't affect her at first as she finally went back down to all fours and started to pace. A terrible thought suddenly came to her as she just started to feel the dull throb in her paws. Why not just die? It was inevitable anyway. She didn't have the strength to hunt, and perhaps it would be better to get it over and done with quicker. She could climb up the mountains and throw herself off one of the ledges. She could smash her head against the cave wall until she crushed her skull. These thoughts scared her, but she didn't want to wait here for another few weeks until she would die from starvation. Perhaps a dog would lurk into the cave, find her, and kill her quickly. Nutmeg began to experiment on her own head against the cave, banging it continuously over and over until she began to feel woozy and concussed. She hadn't drawn blood as she stumbled away from the cave wall. Her vision began to blur as Nutmeg realised she was going to pass out. Just as Nutmeg collapsed to the ground, her last thought was: I hope I never wake up.

[fate]

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[atrb=background,http://i46.tinypic.com/250kqar.jpg] "Speech." His feet were soaked from walking on the wet ground, but it didn't really matter. What mattered was that he'd been walking six hours and everything that had just occurred with Nutmeg, was still tearing him up inside. He had been so insensitive and rude. So out of character. Usually, he would bite his tongue...but instead he'd made Nutmeg feel like crap and left her. He left her. So many times, he'd stop walking and consider turning around; but he knew that even if he was sorry for what he had said...Nutmeg most likely wasn't. Grizzly figured she was serious, that she wanted him gone. Poor Nutmeg. Grizzly hadn't even heard her screams, or else he would've turned around. With every step he took, he felt his heart breaking. He'd wasted four weeks doing nothing, just to end up leaving Nutmeg to die? Yes, she would die that much he knew. And no matter how much it wasn't his responsibility, he considered it his; and for that he finally stopped. "I've got to go back." he whispered to himself as he turned around. The Maine coon just stood there for a moment, wondering if he was making the right decision. If she'd really wanted him gone...he'd seem pathetic. But honestly, he was. As much as he loved traveling and his adventures...he longed to share adventures with Nutmeg again; perhaps even if they never left the cave. Finally, he began running. He ran for as long as he could until he'd stop and drink from a puddle of water and then resume his way back to Nutmeg. About five hours later, he'd find Nutmeg and all that she'd done to herself. Grizzly became hopeful as he saw the cave ahead of him. His whole body ached from running as much as he had, but never once had he considered turning back around. He knew now that he needed to be with Nutmeg, that leaving her had been a stupid idea; but he had no earthly idea yet as to how bad things had gotten in the last eleven to twelve hours. Almost sliding into the cave, he came to a halt when he saw the blood on the cave walls. The wreaked of blood, but he couldn't see or most definitely not hear Nutmeg. Panicking, he went to start shouting for Nutmeg when all the sudden he got a glimpse of a limp body on the ground in the cave. "Nutmeg!" he yelled out, deliriously. Nutmeg's paws were absolutely horrid, completely covered in blood; which had made a puddle for her to lay in. Looking up at the side of the wall, he gasped at the signs of her banging her head against the walls. Grizzly was almost freaking out as he put his head to her chest, begging that he would get a pulse. Thankfully, he felt her chest moving and eventually he could see it if he watched closely enough. What the hell was he supposed to do? She was bathed in blood. Afraid and confused, he began pacing. Finally, he knew he had to get her out of the pool of blood before she woke up and choked on it. Gently, he took the extra skin on the back of her neck in his mouth and began to drag her out of her own puddle of blood. He wasn't sure if doing so would hurt her or if it would wake her up, but he figured it was at least worth a try. But he was just a cat, so all he could do was lick her paws and her head gently until she woke up. Sadly, he knew Nutmeg would be in a significant amount of pain when she woke up, if she ever did. He'd pulled her deeper into the cave and then laid her beside the cave wall. He wished he was in something more like a house, which would have a blanket or two, but no. He paced, not being able to take his eyes off of her. God! He'd been so stupid! But really, so had she. Still, Grizzly felt completely responsible. Having to do without a blanket, she laid on the hard floor of the cave with Grizzly curled up in front of her; just licking her paws and head. Sooner or later, she'd wake up and they would both need to drink some water. As he licked her wounds he closed his eyes, hoping that Nutmeg wasn't dying or worse, already dead.

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[atrb=background,http://i48.tinypic.com/axbo8y.jpg] Nutmeg didn't awake for several hours. She lay prone on the ground, shivering from the gusts of wind that whistled through her fur. She was confused when she finally awoke, head banging painfully. Squeezing her eyes shut, Nutmeg groaned. Everything hurt. Her paws were throbbing, her head was wooly and she was utterly confused. Where was she? What time was it? What had even happened beforehand? Completely disorientated, Nutmeg finally, slowly, opened her eyes and squinted into the world. Although the cave was dark, the brightness still pained her eyes, and it took her a few seconds to finally become accustomed to the light. It was then that she noticed a rough tongue brushing against her bloody paws. Blood. Recoiling in horror, Nutmeg tried to remember what had happened. At first she thought the cat licking her was Cerberus, and it felt as though with each lick were maggots writhing through her skin. It then took another few moments to remember that Cerberus was dead, and she was with Grizzly now. But what had caused her paws to become so bloody? And why was her head in so much pain? Blearily blinking at her friend, she looked outside. It was light outside, but the sun was low in the sky. Dawn or dusk? Nutmeg couldn't help the fear that rushed through her. Her memory was too blurry to access and to not remember was more scary than anything else. Although Grizzly was looking after her now, why wasn't he here when she had hurt herself? Or had he been the one to hurt her? No. Nutmeg shook the thought away. He couldn't possibly have been the one to do this. She gazed down at him for several seconds longer, before leaning over and licking the side of his face. It felt right. She forced a smile on her lips to let him know that she was okay. Perhaps a little concussed, but nevertheless okay. She stretched out her body, ignoring the pain, and let out a long yawn. Although she must have been out cold for a few hours, a wave of tiredness hit the tortoiseshell cat. Obviously the sleep had not been restful. Gazing outside again, she tried to access the memories. She remembered scraping her claws against the cave wall in a fit of madness. Why had she done that? What had driven her to such rage and despair? Dozens of questions, and maybe Grizzly could answer them for her. He looked so worried, and her heart throbbed sadly. He was just so kind to her. "What happened?" She finally croaked, throat dry and raspy, making her cough. The coughing made her head bang even more, and she winced. Shivering from the cold and loss of blood, she shuffled closer to her friend and suddenly had an overcoming urge to tell Grizzly the truth. Tell him about Cerberus and the hell that she had lived in for that year. Perhaps then they could move on from this and these strange things wouldn't happen any longer. Taking a deep breath, Nutmeg decided that she had to tell him right now. She didn't care that her head was banging and all she wanted to do was sleep. She wanted to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. Maybe then he would understand why she was so skittish and why she couldn't bear to get close to him. "I told you I met a cat. His name was Cerberus," Nutmeg began, "He was... lovely. He treated me, he spoiled me, he utterly adored me. I was in love. I guess I wore my heart on my sleeve, but he gave me good reason to love him. We spent all our time together. He would watch out for me, defend me, hunt for me. We would laugh and joke about. I was so happy." Nutmeg paused, unsure of how to continue her story, "Then he turned nasty. It was little things at first. He snapped at me if I didn't succeed in a hunt. He'd ignore me if I accidentally said something hurtful. Then he got irrational. He would scratch me, bite me, if I did the slightest thing wrong. I felt useless. I could never please him. His mood was constantly foul. He used to use my body whenever he pleased. Sometimes every night. He wanted me to bear his kittens, but by that time he sickened me," Nutmeg spat the last part, her body shaking with rage and embarrassment, "I couldn't escape his wrath. He would attack me if he caught me leaving, and by that time I was too frightened. I just let him to do me as he pleased. God, it hurt." Nutmeg let out a dry sob, shoulders shaking slightly, before she decided to conclude her story, "One morning he never returned. I went out and found his mangled body on a street corner. Mauled by dogs. I may be physically free now, but he still riddles my mind. I can't forget his evil face, his disgusting smile, his hateful eyes." She finally met Grizzly's gaze.

[fate]

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[atrb=background,http://i46.tinypic.com/250kqar.jpg] "Speech." With sleepy eyes, Nutmeg finally awoke from her concussion. Grizzly continued to lick her paws, then her head, trying his hardest to somehow help her. He could barely look at her, while she scanned the situation and processed it all. It wasn't until she licked his cheek that he could really look at her, but only with guilty and sad eyes. He watched as she stretched her muscles and let out a small, innocent yawn. Full of regret, he tried to put on a small smile but completely failed. He just didn't understand any of it. Why had she done this to herself? She still looked horrific after he'd already licked off a good amount of blood. Nutmeg had been the one to yell, the one to tell him to leave. He left thinking she was done, that she didn't want him in her life. Almost that she hated him. So why would she do this if she had gotten what she had wanted? Ugh. He shook his head in frustration. Had she just wanted him gone so she could attempt to kill herself? No, just no. He didn't want to imagine her killing herself, though that seemed to be what she was going for. Did Nutmeg not realize how much he cared, how much he adored her and her company? This was all too much for Grizzly though. He knew now that he would never be able to leave Nutmeg, not forever. Because the idea of her killing herself, tore him apart. "What happened?" Nutmeg croaked. Being snapped out of his thoughts, Grizzly gave a her a puzzled look. What did she mean? Pausing, he answered the only way he thought would suffice. "I left you and I'm sorry." Really, it didn't explain much...but it would do for now. He just didn't know how to explain it all, he was too tired and too broken at the moment. Before he could suggest that she get she drink some water, she moved closer to him; using fur to keep warm. Then, he heard her begin to talk about the guy she had met. Though it sounded weird at first, he soon learned why she acted the way she did. As he listened to her spill out the truth about this 'Cerberus' certain things made his sadness turn into anger, not at her but obviously him. "Then he turned nasty. It was little things at first. He snapped at me if I didn't succeed in a hunt. He'd ignore me if I accidentally said something hurtful. Then he got irrational. He would scratch me, bite me, if I did the slightest thing wrong. I felt useless. I could never please him. His mood was constantly foul. He used to use my body whenever he pleased. Sometimes every night. He wanted me to bear his kittens, but by that time he sickened me,"..."I couldn't escape his wrath. He would attack me if he caught me leaving, and by that time I was too frightened. I just let him to do me as he pleased. God, it hurt." Nutmeg explained, almost forcing herself to spit it out. Grizzly had become frozen, flinching when he began to hear things he just didn't want to hear. Where the hell had he been? God! He'd failed not only know, but way before now. Poor Nutmeg, she'd been a victim who was now stuck scared and afraid. "One morning he never returned. I went out and found his mangled body on a street corner. Mauled by dogs. I may be physically free now, but he still riddles my mind. I can't forget his evil face, his disgusting smile, his hateful eyes." At the end of her story, Nutmeg finally met his gaze. Her whole body was shaking, slightly. Grizzly just met her gaze, unsure of what to say. Finally after letting out a small, sad smile; he licked her cheek and replied with a simple, "I'm so sorry.". He understood all of it now, and now only felt worse. Nutmeg didn't leave this cave because she couldn't. "I wish I'd ran into you when that was happening Nutmeg. I would've killed him myself, you didn't and don't deserve anything like that." he stated, trying to contain his disgust and anger. Meeting her gaze again, he felt he needed to clear things up. "Is that why you stay here? I'm not asking you to try and leave anymore though. If you need to stay here Nutmeg, if you just can't leave, then I'll stay here. I'm not leaving you again." he replied, looking down at her bloody paws when he finished.

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[atrb=background,http://i48.tinypic.com/axbo8y.jpg] Nutmeg's sluggish mind took another few moments for Grizzly's words to sink in. He had left her. She didn't blame him, however it may explain how she had got into such a state. She had panicked. Nutmeg gazed down at her paws. A few of the claws had been ripped straight out. She'll never get those claws back again. Nutmeg wondered whether that would affect her hunting skill. Wincing as she flexed her paw, Nutmeg tried to cover the excruciating pain that she was in. How had she been so foolish? What had been the use of going mad? She cursed herself. Now she had made Grizzly feel awful about himself and there was nothing she could do or say to make him feel better. It had been her fault after all. It shouldn't be Grizzly apologising to her! She had been the one to shout at her friend until he left. She would have done the same thing if she had been in his shoes. Once Nutmeg had finished explaining how she had come to meet Cerberus and how she had escaped, silence fell in the cave. Nutmeg shuffled awkwardly, trying not to meet Grizzly's gaze. She didn't want pity, she just wanted him to understand an ounce of the insanity that was going on inside of her mind. She was confused, paranoid and scared. The thought of leaving the cave made her dizzy and her stomach rolled. If someone had pushed her unwillingly out of the cave, Nutmeg was almost sure she would become catatonic with fear. That wasn't healthy. Nutmeg had almost forgotten the feel of fresh air against her fur and the beam of sun shining down on her. Nutmeg couldn't work out whether she missed it or not. She missed being a kitten. She missed having no cares in the world. She missed Pancake and Doll. The anger laced in Grizzly's words made Nutmeg jolt out of her thoughts. She could see he was furious at Cerberus. Nutmeg almost wished he was still alive, so she could witness Grizzly tearing him apart. As Grizzly questioned why she stayed in the cave, Nutmeg tensed, hoping he wouldn't start to convince her to leave, but she soon relaxed when he understood. Relief rushed through the feline as she leaned forward and tenderly licked his thick fur. She was intensely grateful that Grizzly would no longer push her to go an adventure, but a part of Nutmeg wondered whether she needed to be pushed. She couldn't let Grizzly stay here until she grew old and died, surely? Nutmeg then realised that Grizzly had asked her a question, and it took another minute or so for Nutmeg to think about what to say. Why did she stay in this cave? "At first it was a sanctuary. I felt safe from here. Even with Cerberus dead, I felt like his spirit was following me," A shiver ascended up her spine as she remembered the feeling of being constantly followed. She had often looked over her shoulder, believing someone was right behind her, "I grew accustomed to this place. It is an irrational fear, I understand that. Cerberus is dead, I saw his corpse myself, but I can't help but believe the outside is full of terrible things. I begin to panic at just the thought of leaving this place," Nutmeg tensed again and tried to catch her breath, which had hitched considerably, "Everything rational I say in my mind is counteracted by the crippling fear. I can't stop myself."

[fate]

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[atrb=background,http://i46.tinypic.com/250kqar.jpg] "Speech." Fear. That was what held Nutmeg back. Cerberus had put so much fear into her, disgust even, that she now was intensely fearful and disgusted with the world. She spoke of what it was like at first, which was basically like it had been her safe haven. Though fear still stabbed her heart, she at least got that small sense of safety while staying within the cave. Grizzly couldn't imagine what he would've done or would do if he was in her shoes. He knew fear though. Everyone did, just at different levels. Nutmeg's fear engulfed her life now, blocking anything realistically good from being visible in her eyes. For Grizzly, his fear was partly what made him travel. Sure, he loved traveling or exploring but it had kept him from ever really settling down. And honestly, he knew it had...that had been his secret intentions. It was complicated, it was something he did but tried to tell himself he didn't. But being deaf made it hard for him to find friends; so never staying still made it easy to have an excuse for never meeting someone. Though, Nutmeg was going to help him with that. He would stay with her now, traveling was no longer an option. Perhaps he'd learn to stay still, to begin a new chapter of his life. His golden eyes tried to meet Nutmeg's while she continued to tell her reasons. Again, fear really was just the main factor. Outside of this cave, all Nutmeg saw was an abyss of fear. He shifted his weight, trying hard to think of something to say. But nothing. All he could think of was how he wished he had been there for her. He'd abandoned her, the only friend he had and he'd never been there for her. He felt like shit. For a few long moments, he stayed quiet. All he could do was stare out of the cave, every now and then glancing back at Nutmeg. It was easier to say he'd stay then the reality of it really was. He tried his hardest not to seem sad, but he was almost 100% positive that now he would never travel. His last real adventure was the last one of that chapter. Morbidly, he contemplated whether he'd die in this cave. If he stayed, would he really just die here? Taking in a long breath, he looked back at the female he'd always considered his best friend. She needed him to be here for him, because when he hadn't she had been badly mistreated. God how he wished he could see Cerberus. Tear him limb from limb. That bastard was the one who put this overwhelming amount of fear into Nutmeg. After shaking that thought, he gave a small grin and finally spoke, "You know, this gray isn't that bad actually. I think I'm beginning to love it." he said trying to lighten the mood. Sensing he should say more, he offered more sympathetic words. "Everyone has fears, Nutmeg. I don't see yours as irrational, I see it as genuine fear. He hurt you. That isn't something you can just forget, but you're not dealing with it alone anymore." he spoke seriously, but sympathy was heard in every word. "I know I'm not much, but I'll be here. Emotionally, he's still hurting you and I want to help stop that." Throughout all this, her being in heat hadn't popped into his mind until he moved closer. Visibly, he held his breath while he laid beside her. He wasn't sure if that would be okay with her, so he laid behind her. Leaving a bit of space between them, he stretched his neck and nuzzled her. He knew his limits and he knew for now, that he could handle her scent. Though he stayed a bit stiff, he honestly just acted like there was no hidden tension. He just wanted to be here for her...if that hadn't been stressed enough.

[♥Picasso]

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[atrb=background,http://i48.tinypic.com/axbo8y.jpg] Nutmeg didn't crack a smile at Grizzly's poor excuse for a joke. She could see the light fading from Grizzly's eyes. He was accepting the fact that he had to stay here with her. She was signing a death sentence for her best friend. Feeling sick, the feline looked away. There was so much pain and grief. All because of one sadistic cat that had taken away her freedom. Underneath all that fear, Nutmeg felt boiling anger. She had burning fury that would one day be released. The amount of anger scared Nutmeg. One day she would crack and release her wrath on anyone nearby. She gazed back at her best friend. The only living being that was not afraid to go near her was Grizzly. Nutmeg didn't know what to do anymore. It was reassuring to hear that Grizzly now understood Nutmeg's actions. He may not understand fully, but he got the overall idea. Unable to speak, Nutmeg thanked him with her eyes. She appreciated everything that Grizzly was willing to give up, just to be with her. It made her wonder why her former best friend would even bother. Yes, Grizzly had a large heart, but even his heard couldn't be big enough to sacrifice doing the one thing he loved: travelling. He just wanted Nutmeg to get better. Her mind just couldn't comprehend the amount of love and devotion Grizzly was capable of having. They were practically strangers still. Suddenly, Grizzly moved closer. The heat sparked her to shuffle uncomfortable. Flustered, Nutmeg continued to look away. Heat was embarrassing in normal situations, let alone this one. Letting out a shaky breath, Nutmeg finally managed to meet Grizzly's kind gaze. She felt awful. "We may not have known each other in the past few years, Grizzly," Nutmeg began, shaking her head, "But I know you truly do not want to be here. You want to be free to do what you like. Why are you sacrificing everything for this? Would you do this to any cat? Or am I just special?" Nutmeg shut up. She was glad Grizzly couldn't hear the tone of her voice because it had sounded cruel. Accusatory. She hadn't meant to say it like that. Frustrated, Nutmeg squeezed her eyes shut. Nothing was going right, once again. ooc; damn this is bad. this thread is going quite slowly. we need action or something in the next thread. I messaged you on facebook, but any ideas? XD